Thursday, February 23, 2017

Nose Job

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I have a basal cell carcinoma that needs to be removed. Surgery was originally set for 15th February; on the morning that we arrived at the hospital I received a call to say that the surgeon had been delayed and could we reschedule to next week? What delayed him wasn’t clear – it could have been the previous surgery developing complications, or he could have been stuck in a bunker on the 8th hole. I suspect the former.

Yesterday, I was back at the hospital – with an earlier scheduled time this week, so less susceptible to delay. After changing into paper underwear and one of those fetching backless gowns, the nurse struggled to get the surgical stockings on my feet, but eventually prevailed. I met the anaesthetist and we discussed how I was to be anaesthetised; and then the surgeon again. The surgeon drew a circle on my nose to indicate where he was going to cut; and we had a bit of chat about Dr. Gregory House writing “not this one” on his left leg, and “not this one either” on his right. There are a lot of forms to be filled out, and everyone you meet for the first time asks you your name and date of birth, and checks this against their paperwork…gotta make sure they’re operating on the right person!

I was wheeled up to the theatre, and a line put into the back of my right hand. There was no warning, no “count down from 10” or anything like that…next thing I knew, I was back in the room, and being given some painkillers. It was all over! The nurse then dressed the wound again, organised a light lunch for me, and we hung around until I felt well enough to go home.



On the way home we picked up the antibiotics and painkillers prescribed, and I was given instructions about washing.

This morning I woke up looking like the elephant man. The area around the surgery has swollen up, but it doesn’t hurt or feel hot, so I think it’s just normal post-surgical swelling. Hopefully it’ll go down before I present myself back at the office – I don’t want to frighten the kids at work! 

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Star Trekkin'

On a rare sunny evening, we took ourselves along to Aro Park to watch some nutters. Nutters there are aplenty in this world, but the particular type that we were watching were Trekkies. Each year, this group of Star Trek fans put on an amateur dramatic production of an episode of Star Trek (the original series) in the open air. This year, they were performing Journey To Babel.

We walked down in the sunny evening and grabbed ourselves a good spot on the bank, slightly to the left of centre. The stage was already set, and there was pre-show entertainment in the form of a group of singers, the Space Babes, who performed a number of space-related songs - Space Oddity and the like – before finishing with an audience-participatory rendition of The Firm’s Star Trekkin'. Just to get us all in the mood.

Performing a play set mostly on a spaceship presents some challenges for an open-air production with limited means. Amongst these are the set changes. These were mostly achieved by sliding pictures and doorways on the backdrop. Also, without the benefit of actual automatic doors, two cast members stood at the side of the stage and took a step apart, then together, to imitate the doors, whilst saying “whoosh”. There’s also badly-choreographed fight scenes, and the bit where the Enterprise gets hit and everyone leans one way, then the other, to show the damage. It was all jolly good fun, and although they presented it completely deadpan, some of it is unintentionally funny these days, given how Star Trek has morphed in the popular imagination.


After the show we walked around the corner to Willis Street and The Bresolin to dine on their finest burgers.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

The Big C

Those of you who know me and look upon my fizzog on a regular basis, whether in real life or the many pictures of me on t’internet, will know that I have a lump on my face. No, I’m not talking about my nose, I’m talking about the lump on my nose. I don’t recall when it first appeared, but it seems like it’s been there for ages. I’ve always taken the attitude that if it doesn’t bother me, I won’t bother it.

At Christmas, it bothered me. It changed colour to a delicate shade of blue. This sent me hurtling to my doctor. And by hurtling, I mean waiting until the doctor’s surgery was open again after New Year’s. My GP looked at it and said “probably benign, but best to get it checked out anyway”, and referred me to a plastic surgeon.

Surgeons, as you probably know, spend 90% of their time on golf courses, so it wasn’t until this Friday that I got an appointment. He took one look at it and said “that’s a basal-cell carcinoma”. Or BCC, as there’s a TLA for everything these days. He explained that whilst it wasn’t in danger of spreading quickly, it would increase in size and eventually eat away my nose (sorry if you’re eating breakfast whilst reading this). So, in the words of the elders of Krikkit:

It’ll have to go.



He then outlined for me what the procedure was for removal. Due to its size and location, this isn’t quite as easy as just chopping it off and sewing up the resultant hole. Firstly, the skin needs to be removed a minimum of 2 mm, and preferably 3mm, outside the visible edge of the carcinoma, to ensure that they get it all. As it’s 6mm across, we’re talking about a circle 12mm in diameter. That’s quite large, on a nose. He’ll then fill this hole with a piece of skin from further up my nose.

You’ve already spotted the flaw in this plan, haven’t you? Yes, this simply leaves another hole. Guess what? He’s going to fill this with a piece of skin from even further up my nose! But, fortunately, it’s not turtles all the way down, as further up my nose there’s a bit more give and take in the skin, and he’ll actually be able to stitch this wound shut.

He then explained options for anaesthesia for this op. It’ll take about an hour, and can be done under either general or local anaesthetic. Oddly (to my mind, at least), the general anaesthetic is the quicker option, so I’m booked in to have surgery on 15th February.

The surgery will leave me with a scar on my nose, which I’m inclined to attribute to a duelling injury, if asked.

Friday, December 30, 2016

Glass Bottom Boat

An early flight got us to Auckland by 7:45am. We stopped off for a quick breakfast in the airport before picking up our hire car, and driving the drive to Whitianga. It doesn’t look far on the map. However the road is twisty and turny, and so it took about 2 ½ hours to complete the trip. We found a car park in the centre of town and stopped for a coffee and tea at The French Fig café, before searching out our accommodations at Marina Park Apartments. We settled ourselves in there, then went out to explore the town. Nicola stopped off at the leaflet emporium to begin with, so we could plan our time here.

The first order of the day was to get some lunch, and for that we went to the Harbour House Café, which, unsurprisingly, is just on the harbour. The rest of the day was spent exploring the waterfront and retail opportunities of Whitianga, as well as a quick trip to New World to stock up on breakfast supplies. Whilst looking around the town we found a place to book the Glass Bottom Boat tour, so we enquired about availability and eventually booked ourselves in for the following morning at 9:00am.

We got down to the jetty in plenty of time, and waited for our fellow passengers to arrive. We chatted to the captain, Fraser, who was doing a degree in tourism at Massey University in Wellington, and our crew, Emily, also a student at Otago University in Dunedin.

Once everyone had turned up, Fraser gave us the safety briefing, then took us out of the harbour and along the coast, stopping off at various caves and rock formations along the way. He and Emily gave us a bit of history of the area, especially the arrival of Captain Cook and why the bay is called Mercury Bay (not Freddie, apparently). It was whilst here observing the transit of Mercury that Cook was able to establish his latitude and longitude with a fair degree of accuracy. I’m not saying he was lost exactly, but it’s always nice to have your position confirmed. We went to Cathedral Cove, the most obvious draw on the Hahei Beach coastline, as well as Champagne Bay, and the blowhole – where the roof of a cave had fallen in, thus exposing the sea cave to the top of the cliffs. In stormy weather, waves come into the cave and erupt like a whale’s spout onto the land. Today, however, Fraser told us that the biggest waves we were likely to see would be the wakes of other boats.





Along the way we spotted a lot of sea birds, including black-backed gulls, some of which were feeding their chicks on the rocks; the inevitable shags; some herons, nesting in a tree on a cliff face; terns, shearwaters, and a gannet; and even an Australasian harrier, circling on the thermals rising over the beach.

We then entered the marine reserve area of the coast. The fish density is much higher in there as all forms of fishing and collecting is prohibited. Canny fishermen set up just outside the reserve area as the fish, being fish, can’t quite see where a line is drawn on a map (but they seem to know). Over the years, populations have increased to the extent that they are now also growing outside the reserve, in spite of the fishing. Fraser and Emily removed the cover on the glass bottom of the boat. The first shallow area we stopped at was full of snapper and not much else, as snapper are quite aggressive (do they snap?) and so other fish tend to keep away. The area was also rich in sea urchins, or kina, which is one of the main food items of the snapper.

Next stop was at an area with more fish variety, including blue mau mau, leatherheads, red miko, and triplefins. At this point the offer was made to go snorkelling, but the weather conditions on the day weren’t quite conducive enough to convince us to get in the water. Maybe if it had been a bit warmer!

We also stopped at the Orua sea cave, which is large enough to take the boat into. Emily pointed out the different rock formations on each side of the cave, as it is on a fault-line – the same fault-line that causes the hot water at Hot Water Beach to be, er, hot. The cave water is very blue, and also full of fish – the same species as we saw before.


As we exited the cave, Emily spotted a little blue penguin, a rare native of New Zealand and the world’s smallest penguin.



We made our way back at full speed past all the rocks, caves and beaches we’d seen on the way out. No stopping this time, as we were running to schedule. The whole trip takes two hours, but it’s full of different sights, geological and biological. We arrived back on shore, and Fraser left us with the inevitable plea to review on Tripadvisor (we did) before heading inland to Espy café for a coffee and a cake.




Friday, December 16, 2016

Hudson And Halls Live!

Hudson and Halls were a New Zealand institution. Between 1976 and 1986 they appeared together as a double act on New Zealand television, hosting a cooking show like no other at the time. With camp comedy and slapstick, they squabbled and ad-libbed their way through the show.

Before we got here, of course, there was the obligatory dinner. I'd tried to book first at Fratelli, then at Hippopotamus, but both were fully booked; presumably with it being Christmas and all. So we were reduced to booking at the staff canteen, also known as Logan Brown.





 In 2015, Silo Theatre in Auckland commissioned a play, Hudson And Halls Live!, based on an episode of their television show. It follows the production of a Christmas special show, and included the stage manager and director. The show is being performed and aired live, and is a complete and utter shambles behind the scenes, but somehow they manage to hold it together on camera, as manic changes and improvisations are made during the ad breaks, including a late stand-in for their surprise guest no-show.


The whole thing gets pulled together at the last second, and the table set for Christmas dinner. It’s a rollicking good ride and had us in stitches.  




Monday, December 5, 2016

Moving And Shaking

We had an earthquake. You’ve maybe read about it in the news. It was on 14th November, a little after midnight. 

Once the excitement of an earthquake is over, however, there is a considerable aftermath that doesn’t get reported – not in the international press, at any rate. You might find a story about some cows stranded on a piece of land, but that’s about it. So here’s an update on what has happened for my international readers.

Firstly, an earthquake is not “an” earthquake. It is one large quake followed by a number of aftershocks. These vary in intensity and location. Since the first quake there have now been over 5,000 aftershocks. Yesterday we had a big one, 5.5M, which gave a definite bump. I reported it on Geonet, which collates reports of felt earthquakes, and is the source of all the reporting for earthquake data.


Secondly, this was a BIG quake. The fact that it struck on the middle of the night in a sparsely populated region is probably one of the main reasons why there were very few fatalities. The second reason is that New Zealand houses are generally of wooden construction, which makes them far less likely to fall down in a quake. In fact, the buildings destroyed were either of older, brick construction, or hit by falling chimneys (of brick construction) from neighbouring houses. However, this chart shows that the energy released by this earthquake is greater than the sum of all energy released by ALL other earthquakes in the last six years. That includes the two that hit Christchurch in 2011. It is the largest recorded in New Zealand since the 2009 Dusky Sound quake.

Wellington is the nearest city to the earthquake, and the effects were felt here, even though we’re 200 km from the epicentre. After an event like this, buildings are checked to see if they’re in imminent danger of collapsing. One building, on Molesworth Street, was cordoned off at this stage, and several others were also closed. An aftershock did further damage to the Molesworth St building, and at this point it was “red-stickered” – condemned for demolition. After making their initial checks, engineers did more detailed work on buildings that had suffered damage, and over the last three weeks more buildings have been red-stickered. Other buildings need substantial remedial work before they can be reopened, but do not need to be torn down.

61 Molesworth Street being demolished
There has been considerable comment in the press about damage to newer buildings, which appear to have fared worse than some older buildings. Two in particular, the BNZ building on the quay (which was closed for several months after the 2013 quake), and the Asteron Centre on Featherston Street. Both of these buildings are designed to be quake-resistant – what we’re learning from this is that the design is not quake-PROOF: the idea is that the building will take the damage whilst preserving the lives of those inside. Buildings can be replaced. The current map of buildings that are closed or due to be demolished now stands at 25, although only five of those are to be demolished.

On the South Island, closer to the epicentre, there has been considerable damage to roads and rail. The coastal SH1 route to Kaikoura has been blocked by landslides in several places, and there is still some debate about whether that route will be re-opened, or whether a new overland route will be made to get to Kaikoura. The town itself, whilst not too badly damaged, is highly dependent on tourism for its survival, so with no road in at the moment many are facing loss of their livelihoods.

In the nearby Marlborough wine region, there has been some damage to vineyards, and around 2% of wine stored at vineyards has been lost. This is not significant in overall terms, although obviously some vineyards have been badly affected. Storage for the coming harvest should be replaced in time.

Geonet have made some predictions about likely probabilities of aftershock intensity and frequency, and so far we have been at the low end of those forecasts. It’s fair to say we’re not out of the woods yet. There’s still a possibility of a large quake (6.0 or higher) over the coming weeks.

Closer to home, we’ve suffered some damage from both the original quake and the one yesterday. During the original quake, my toothbrush fell from its upright position, into the bathroom sink. And from yesterday, my shower sponge fell from its shelf onto the floor of the shower. Obviously we’ve lodged claims with EQC to cover these and we’re waiting to hear the outcome.



Friday, December 2, 2016

Don Juan

A few months ago we went to see a production of Jekyll & Hyde by A Slightly Isolated Dog. It was a fun evening, and when they alerted me to the fact that they would be performing their version of Don Juan, we jumped at the chance.

The cast had changed slightly from last time, although key members Andrew Paterson, Jack Buchanan and Susie Berry were still there. Also still there was the audience participation, and the cod French accents. These seem to be hallmarks of their productions.

This is a roving production, and has been performed in S&M Bar on Cuba Street, Bodega, and our venue for the night, Old St Paul’s church in Thorndon. Before the show got underway properly, the cast circulated amongst the audience, asking how we met and also distributing various favours – scarves, crowns, tiara etc – for us to wear during the show. They were doubtless also sounding out who would make a good participant later on in the proceedings, as no-one is safe from their depradations.


The show kicked off and we were introduced to Don Juan. He is played by all of the cast at various stages – signified by a baseball cap with sunglasses attached, and carrying a portable speaker through which he speaks. In a deplorable French accent. Don Juan’s adventures, as you may know, largely consist of seducing inappropriate people, and then abandoning them – in one case, a nun, who he marries before departing in a hurry. Unfortunately, the nun has some brothers who look on this behaviour as somewhat lacking in decorum, and they start to hunt him down to exact their revenge. Don Juan manages to keep one step ahead of the brothers whilst continuing to seduce anyone and everyone he meets along the way.

 The story develops, with various characters being roped in from the audience and being whispered their lines. Some members of the audience seemed to get into the spirit of this more than others, it has to be said! At one point, the whole of the front row were dragooned in to provide a seascape special effect, again with mixed results. There was also a memorable moment when underwear was ripped from an unsuspecting seductee and distributed liberally about the audience.

As we have learned to expect from A Slightly Isolated Dog, it was all a jolly good romp, and I look forward to their next production.