Dawn French Is A Huge Twat

Her words, not mine – this is the name of Dawn French’s new show. I say “new”, like many performers she’s finally brought it to New Zealand, after first performing it around the UK in 2022 and 2023, along with her book, The Twat Files.

The show sold out two nights at the Michael Fowler Centre almost immediately, so a third show was announced, for Monday night. Being a Monday, dining options were necessarily limited as many venues aren’t open. This was exacerbated by the fact that I’d done nothing in the way of advance planning, so by the time I looked for availability at two of our go-to places, there was none…all booked out by Dawn French fans, presumably. Instead, we took a punt on one of Wellington’s institutions, Great India, who’ve been around since, oh, ages ago. They do your standard Indian restaurant food, to a very high quality, so we enjoyed that. Must go there more often!

 

The show is about how Dawn has embarrassed herself, over the years, in a number of different ways. It’s a retrospective of her career in TV, film and on stage, as well as other excerpts from her life, in which she has behaved in a way that makes her cringe now. Much of it was supported by videos or photos pertaining to the incident in question, including her appearance at Elton John’s fancy dress party, which she attended with then-husband Lenny Henry – he as Michael Jackson (in white-face!) and she as Bubbles. She also related stories about auditions for roles, some of which she’d got, and some of which she’d failed to get; notably, a role in musical Mamma Mia!, as, despite her insistence that she can sing, she can’t actually, you know, sing. Not in tune, anyway. Other incidents include misunderstanding her doctor’s diagnosis for her knee, and a bizarre meeting backstage with Dustin Hoffman.

The show finishes with a musical number, as she sings As Long As He Needs Me, from Oliver! Naturally, she’s terrible, but she still gets a huge round of applause.