After Service

Portlander Restaurant is in Rydges Hotel Wellington, and is mainly a steak restaurant. They should be able to cook a burger, yes? I know I’ve had decent burgers from them in the past, so…

Their burger this year is called After Service, and it’s apparently what the chefs make for themselves after they’ve finished their shift. It’s described like this: Beef patty, with gouda, Swiss, provolone, smoked garlic butter, onion lace, pickled cucumber, iceberg lettuce, and truffle and black garlic mayonnaise in an Arobake milk bun, with potato gems and chicken gravy.

It looks like this: 

The DVB beer match is Loud And Clear.

Just for contrast, here’s the picture they put on the Burger Wellington website: 

This is a bit of a McDonaldsisation, if you ask me…quite a contrast between the picture and the delivered result! But the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so how was it?

Bland.

Were there different cheeses in there? I couldn’t tell. There were some onions, and the pickled(?) cucumber, and even some sauce. It was pick-upable, so I duly ate it with my hands. The potato gems with gravy were crispy and golden, and were probably the best bit of the burger. The rest of it, though, felt like they’d phoned it in. And at $48 for the burger and beer combo, at the top end of pricing, my expectations were much higher. Not impressed by this one, I score it a lowly 4/10.

 

Public Service Announcements

Every three years, New Zealand has a General Election. And every three years, those cheeky chaps and chapesses at Circa Theatre produce a show called Public Service Announcements, where they satirise the current political parties and personalities. 

I’ve already told you about our dining experience at ChouChou, so straight in: there are six actors, and with costume changes they play the major characters of all the political parties (there are seven that are likely to feature in this year’s election), as well as impersonating commentators such as John Campbell, and Paul Henry – who has gone from commentator to participant in the election.

They signify who they’re playing with colour-coded jackets and lighting. Unfortunately, apart from the leaders of the main parties (and possibly not even those!), not everyone knows who’s who in the world of politics, especially if you haven’t been paying attention. To get around this they have to address each other like characters in a royal period drama: “Hail, third cousin Henry, heir to the earldom of Monmouthshire, how do thee fare?”, and suchlike. There is a plot of sorts, based around American warships blockading the Strait of Cook, and what each party is doing about it. The Americans are there because it’s a strait, and blockading straits is what they do. The characterisations are very basic, and the jokes aren’t all that funny. Being luvvies, of course, most of the mockery is aimed at the right of centre parties, although Chippie does come in for a pasting for not actually having any policies – he says he’ll release the Ultimate Policy “when the time is right”. Which isn’t now. There's a special guest appearance from The Top Girls, representing The TOP Party - as they seem to be special guesting in opinion polls at the moment.

Where it succeeds best is the song-and-dance routines – those tap lessons at Drama School weren’t wasted after all! There’s a rendition of "Things", “That’s A Māori”, a bit of Tears for Fears’ “Shout”, and other songs too modern for me to know the artistes. At one stage John Tamihere appears as a vampire, and his performance was so hammy that one of his co-actors corpsed on stage, and had real trouble delivering his lines with a straight face. He managed to pull it back together, despite the best efforts of Jamie McCaskill to distract him again.

It's a jolly romp, and has been extended for a week as it continues to sell out. Go see it while you can!

 

Onion Breath

Nicola was on ushering duty again at Circa Theatre, so we thought we’d go along and try their Burger Wellington offering before the show. When they first  opened I didn’t have a very high opinion of ChouChou, but they’ve improved somewhat in the intervening months, so I felt they should be able to do a good burger.

It’s called Onion Breath, and it’s described on the WOAP site like this: Beef patty, with sweet and spicy pickles, provolone, onion dip, and tobacco onion crisps in a Pōneke Bakery potato bun.

It looks like this: 

The DVB beer match is Chin-Wag, which I’ve tried before. It’s a fruity IPA flavoured with passionfruit and mango, and a good accompaniment to a rich burger.

How was it? It was served with a scattering of fries (not mentioned) which had been dusted with…something. The burger was their standard burger, and the melted provolone was present in abundance. The onions were…oniony. If you weren’t searching for it, you’d never have guessed the “tobacco” part, it was there as an extremely subtle background.

Pretty much an average burger with fried onions. I’m scoring this an average 5/10.

 

The Rice Age 2

Following on from Umami Sunrise, which was last year’s entry onto the Burger Wellington scene by local eatery, The Bento Bar. Not normally noted for burger-style food, this Japanese take-away has been around just over a year – presumably another of the many burgeoning hospo businesses catering to the ever-growing army of film- and game-related workers in this hi-tech hub. 

After bridge on Wednesday we eschewed our usual trip to Seatoun and decided to give this a try. Options for burgers on the peninsula are actually quite limited – The Larder aren’t doing one, Arcimboldi are just putting one of their schnitzels in a bun, and we’ve already tried Café Polo and DVB. However, this looks like an interesting choice.

The Rice Age 2 is described on Burger Wellington like this: Woody's Free Range Farm pork belly, with purple cabbage coleslaw, lettuce, soy-marinated egg, and red pickled ginger in a toasted sticky rice bun. They also say “Last year's rice burger generated real buzz with queues, an RNZ feature, and customers spreading the word. The Rice Age 2 is a playful sequel brought back because people kept asking.”

It looks like this:

It’s a takeaway bar, but they do have a couple of seats inside. Unfortunately we were unable to snaffle those, so we brought the burgers home instead. They’re unlicensed, so no DVB beer match with this one.

The bun is actually toasted sticky rice, and is quite dense. The pulled pork filling was tasty, and the slaw, pickled ginger and soy egg good accompaniments. With the rice there’s no need for chips or any additional carb, so I didn’t feel the lack of chips. My main gripe is with the ratio of filling to rice: there’s rather too much rice. In the attempt to make it more bun-like, the rice “buns” are actually quite thick; maybe making them thinner would have been the way to go? But then there wouldn’t have been much to these burgers, as they’re quite small to begin with. A conundrum to be faced next year, perhaps.

Anyway, it was a pleasant variation on the usual, but not one that I think will take off. I’m scoring it a worthy 6/10.

 

Rumour Has It

Another day with some errands to run in the CBD allowed us to partake of another burger from outside our usual milieu. After completing said errands we repaired to Kākāriki Coffee, which is on the site of the long-gone Trade Kitchen on Customhouse Quay. I’ve not been there because I’m no longer a denizen of this part of town.

Their burger is called Rumour Has It, and it’s described on the Burger Wellington site thus: Percik chicken, with toasted coconut ulam, Mightygreen microherbs, Lot Eight chilli olive oil, Apostle Saint Phillip Hot Sauce, and percik sauce in a curry laksa bun, with fries. The blurb also says “Chef Bobby spent two months in Malaysia tracing the best percik recipe, eating his way as far north as Kelantan, learning from local aunties by watching and talking. The burger is also designed to look like a mouth.”

It looks like this:

with prawn crackers...

or with chips

On the description it says “with fries” but they offered us the option of “with prawn crackers”, so we had one of each. There is no DVB beer match as they don't have a licence.

What is percik? It means “splashing” in Malaysian, and ayam percik is chicken that is basted in the sauce as it cooks. The sauce seems to consist of your generalised East Asian flavourings – ginger, garlic, onions, lemon grass, tamarind, coconut, turmeric, etc. All the recipes I looked at also included chili, but read on…

Firstly, the “burger”: this is a meat sandwich, not a burger. The curry laksa bun is folded over, rather than being in two separate pieces, and had a characteristic curry laksa flavour; it was a bit doughy, I found, but at least it was pick-upable and held its integrity until the end. The chicken inside was well cooked with a spicy crust. The ratio of chicken to bun was about right. The toasted coconut was very much in evidence. There was a salad, some say slaw, which presumably also included the advertised microgreens. The prawn crackers were, I suspect, not cooked in the kitchen, and the fries were pretty standard café fries – although both had what appeared to be a green curry sauce to dip in which wasn’t mentioned on the description.

What was missing, and what I really wanted, was some heat! If they’d used chilli oil and hot sauce it must’ve been in minute quantities. There was no chili in the laksa bun either…so whilst the other spicy flavours were there in abundance, I feel it needed at least a little kick of chilli to really make it zing. This is a burger that had great potential, and with just a couple of tweaks could have been something amazing. As it is, I’m scoring it a competent 6/10.

Edit: I've been corrected on Facebook, they do make their own prawn crackers daily. 

Viva Voce

This morning I took the first Forest Secrets tour at Zealandia. This is a new tour that concentrates on the plant life of Zealandia, its history and unusual features, particularly as they relate to New Zealand. Not my first tour, but the first! Hopefully there will be more to come.

Afterwards I took myself into town for some great reward. I’d been researching on the Burger Wellington site, mainly using as my search criteria “open on Sunday Lunchtime” and “DVB beer match” to find something tasty. I’d narrowed the search down to several in the Cuba Street vicinity, in case my first choice was too busy or said something daft like “we’re not doing that today”.

But they didn’t. I strode into Cuba Street Tavern, demanded a table, and ordered their burger and beer. It’s called Viva Voce – Latin for “by word of mouth”. The burger uses beef tongue and pork cheek - literally from the mouths of the animals. It’s described like this: Crispy pork cheek, with beef tongue bacon, gem lettuce, Thai basil, smoked cheese, kawakawa BBQ sauce, and sriracha in a housemade brioche bun, with Sichuan seasoned shoestring fries.

It looks like this: 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “eeurgh! Pork cheeks!” and “eeurgh! Beef tongue!” Well, put those preconceptions aside, because this is bloody delicious! The pork is soft and falls apart beautifully – far more so than the pulled pork of other, lesser, pork-based burgers. If they didn’t tell you the bacon was made from beef tongue you wouldn’t know, but you would know that it’s delicious. The barbecue sauce is tasty. The heat comes from the sriracha, which somewhat  overshadowed the kawakawa flavouring. The Thai basil offered a different, distinctive note as well. The whole makes a tasty burger.

Was there any downside? Well, as usual, the inclusion of lettuce left me cold. It lacked pick-upability, so I dived straight in with the cutlery. Personally, I’d’ve left out the sriracha and let the kawakawa and Thai basil do the heavy lifting flavour-wise. The fries were standard shoestring, and had no discernible Sichuan seasoning that I could detect. But these are minor quibbles for what was otherwise an unexpected flavour bomb, and probably the best I’ve had so far. I’m scoring this 9/10.

Bite And Tell

This is a visit to the source…not of burgers, but of the beers that accompany the burgers for Burger Wellington. Yes, they’re all brewed locally (to me) right here in Miramar, and their bar is one of our regular haunts anyway, so off we popped to try their burger.

It’s called Bite And Tell, and it’s described on the WOAP website as such:

Beef patty, with pickled daikon, carrot and sesame coleslaw, cheddar, fresh chilli, fried shallots, and Sichuan sauce in a Shelly Bay Baker brioche bun.

It looks like this: 

And yes, there’s a beer match! It’s Loud And Clear IPA, which I’ve already tried...but as we’re actually in their bar I can get a pint of it, rather than a can, which is what other venues offer. Result!

How was it? Well, they already do a tasty burger, so this is just a variation on their usual patty. But it was a good one: there was the characteristic numbing sensation from the Sichuan sauce, some nice crunchiness from the slaw, a bite from the pickle, and the heat from the chili. The flavours combined rather than fought each other. Other points to note: a pick-upable burger (although the sauce did run all over my fingers), and also the chips at DVB are always quality – crunchy, chunky and golden. Overall I’d eat this burger any time, and I rate this a strong 9/10.