Seaside Sichuan Deluxe

It’s the weekend! Which means Little Sprig in Seatoun is open at lunchtime. We go there regularly anyway, so I thought we’d give their burger a try today. It's called Seaside Sichuan Deluxe, and the Burger Wellington website describes it like this: Double beef patties, with gruyère, Sichuan sauce, rocket, carrot, red cabbage, red pepper, coriander, and spring onion in a Cottage Lane brioche bun, with straight-cut fries.

It looks like this: 

This is the picture from the website, as I forgot to take one of my own! Unlike some previous offenders, however, this is a fair representation of what we actually got.

There’s no DVB beer match as Little Sprig is part of the Sprig & Fern group, which brews their own beer. I ordered a Nectaron instead – a citrussy IPA which I thought would complement the burger.

How was it? It’s a double patty burger with additional fillings which could have made the burger structurally unstable. I picked it up and it held together – the additional ingredients were finely shredded so didn’t cause slipperiness, and the burger maintained its integrity until the end. The Sichuan sauce was plentiful and gave that characteristic numbness that you get from Sichuan peppers. The patties had been well grilled, and the vegetables gave a bit of crunch and counterpoint to the burger and Sichuan sauce. The fries were served with Sichuan mayo. Overall, this is a very good burger, and I’m inclined to call it my best of the competition so far. My only teeny quibble is with the fries, which were OK, but not outstanding. That’s the only reason that this doesn’t get a 10. I’m scoring it 9/10.

 

Fatuous Days And Crapulous Nights

Nicola has been playing with Sven Olsen’s Brutal Canadian Love Saga (known as “The Svens”) for a couple of years now, as part of their string section. They play live gigs every time there’s a Fringe Festival, and occasionally in between. None of them are called Sven, or Olsen, and none of them are Canadian. (A Canadian chap once turned up to one of their gigs, expecting something Canadian – Celine Dion covers, maybe?)

This gig, was, however, something a little different: the launch party for their pizza box. Say what? Yes, they have released a pizza box:

Inside there are six (count ‘em!) CDs with 63 songs in total, and a big book of lyrics so you can sing along with them! During their live shows there is a rear projection, animations and clips relating to the song, with some of the lyrics on it; but they are (a) often partly obscured by the band members and (b) aren’t always synchronised with the song (deliberately). So here are the undoubted, definitive, guaranteed words to such masterpieces as Kron Of Hastings. It comes with no page numbers or index, so finding your way around it is a haphazard journey through the minutiae of New Zealand life – much like The Svens themselves.

The launch party was in one of their usual venues, the Newtown Community Centre. Food and drink had been laid on, and t-shirts were also available for sale – Nicola and I both availed ourselves of these – as well as the pizza box itself, available for the bargain price of $50! So if you feel the need to dip your toe into the fantastic world of New Zealand’s most obscure pop orchestra, get in contact…they are a limited edition of only 250 (ours is #93), and Nigel Beckford (“Sven”) would dearly love to get them off his living-room floor.

They played a few songs, then broke for a “surprise event”. This, it turned out, was getting the entire audience up on the stage to re-enact the photograph on the cover of Wings’ Band On The Run album. I will no doubt reference this when it is published.

Afterwards we went for a “burger” at Mediterranean Foods.

Chilli-Butter-Beef

I’d finished training for the day, so headed home via the CBD. I’m a fan of Pickle & Pie normally, and I’d checked out their burger previously on the Burger Wellington website. I managed to park, if not Hollywood-style, a short two-minute walk from the venue. Let’s give it a try, I thought.

It was getting towards the end of the lunch shift, so less busy than usual. When I go there for tours it’s usually bustling, but that’s because it’s (a) mid-morning, and (b) mid-summer. No problem with being seated today! Their burger is called Chilli-Butter-Beef, and described simply: Conscious Valley smashed beef patty, with Mangaroa Farms butter crunch lettuce, Pickle & Pie dill pickles*, and chilli butter in a Dough Bakery brioche bun.

It looks like this:

There’s no DVB beer match, so I chose a Brew Moon Waipara New England IPA from their list.

It looks fine like that…until you pick it up, and realise that this is not a big burger – almost a slider, in fact. That said, all the ingredients were present, including the pointless lettuce (I had to tear a lot of it off to make it burger-shaped), and the chilli butter was definitely there, to give the burger a bit of a kick. Given its size, it was easily pick-upable – indeed, I felt like I was in one of those adverts for Carl’s Jr where the burger is dwarfed by the size of the hand. Crinkle-cut chips were crispy, and the dipping sauce on the side was presented in a lettuce leaf. This is a good, standard burger, so I’m awarding it a standard 5/10.

* Because, duh!

Porko Rokko

We’d been to Nicola’s band’s launch of their pizza box, and afterwards decided to go to Mediterranean Foods to sample their Burger Wellington offering. After the disappointment of The Portlander earlier in the day I needed something a bit better. Two burgers in one day? The sacrifices I make for this blog!

Their burger is called Porko Rokko, and is described on the Burger Wellington site like this: Porchetta, with apple sauce, salsa verde, and fennel coleslaw in a Shelly Bay Baker potato brioche bun.

It looks like this: 

There’s no DVB beer match, so I had a Parrotdog Bitterbitch instead.

Where does the name come from? Well, there was a folded-over leaflet on the table explaining: 

First off, it is immediately apparent that this is not a burger, it’s a meat sandwich. Can you bite through it? With the thickness of the slice of porchetta and the crackling surround I wasn’t even going to try – straight in with the cutlery for this one.

I’d ordered a side of chips but these turned out to be superfluous – the size and the richness of the burger meant that I left half of them. Because this turned out to be more than just a meat sandwich – this was a Sunday dinner in a bun. The pork was cooked and roasted to a soft texture, there was ample salsa verde, the slaw underneath gave a nice bit of crunch and acid to cut through the richness of the meat, and the crackling crackled. It was really quite good. I’m scoring this 7/10.

 

After Service

Portlander Restaurant is in Rydges Hotel Wellington, and is mainly a steak restaurant. They should be able to cook a burger, yes? I know I’ve had decent burgers from them in the past, so…

Their burger this year is called After Service, and it’s apparently what the chefs make for themselves after they’ve finished their shift. It’s described like this: Beef patty, with gouda, Swiss, provolone, smoked garlic butter, onion lace, pickled cucumber, iceberg lettuce, and truffle and black garlic mayonnaise in an Arobake milk bun, with potato gems and chicken gravy.

It looks like this: 

The DVB beer match is Loud And Clear.

Just for contrast, here’s the picture they put on the Burger Wellington website: 

This is a bit of a McDonaldsisation, if you ask me…quite a contrast between the picture and the delivered result! But the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so how was it?

Bland.

Were there different cheeses in there? I couldn’t tell. There were some onions, and the pickled(?) cucumber, and even some sauce. It was pick-upable, so I duly ate it with my hands. The potato gems with gravy were crispy and golden, and were probably the best bit of the burger. The rest of it, though, felt like they’d phoned it in. And at $48 for the burger and beer combo, at the top end of pricing, my expectations were much higher. Not impressed by this one, I score it a lowly 4/10.

 

Public Service Announcements

Every three years, New Zealand has a General Election. And every three years, those cheeky chaps and chapesses at Circa Theatre produce a show called Public Service Announcements, where they satirise the current political parties and personalities. 

I’ve already told you about our dining experience at ChouChou, so straight in: there are six actors, and with costume changes they play the major characters of all the political parties (there are seven that are likely to feature in this year’s election), as well as impersonating commentators such as John Campbell, and Paul Henry – who has gone from commentator to participant in the election.

They signify who they’re playing with colour-coded jackets and lighting. Unfortunately, apart from the leaders of the main parties (and possibly not even those!), not everyone knows who’s who in the world of politics, especially if you haven’t been paying attention. To get around this they have to address each other like characters in a royal period drama: “Hail, third cousin Henry, heir to the earldom of Monmouthshire, how do thee fare?”, and suchlike. There is a plot of sorts, based around American warships blockading the Strait of Cook, and what each party is doing about it. The Americans are there because it’s a strait, and blockading straits is what they do. The characterisations are very basic, and the jokes aren’t all that funny. Being luvvies, of course, most of the mockery is aimed at the right of centre parties, although Chippie does come in for a pasting for not actually having any policies – he says he’ll release the Ultimate Policy “when the time is right”. Which isn’t now. There's a special guest appearance from The Top Girls, representing The TOP Party - as they seem to be special guesting in opinion polls at the moment.

Where it succeeds best is the song-and-dance routines – those tap lessons at Drama School weren’t wasted after all! There’s a rendition of "Things", “That’s A Māori”, a bit of Tears for Fears’ “Shout”, and other songs too modern for me to know the artistes. At one stage John Tamihere appears as a vampire, and his performance was so hammy that one of his co-actors corpsed on stage, and had real trouble delivering his lines with a straight face. He managed to pull it back together, despite the best efforts of Jamie McCaskill to distract him again.

It's a jolly romp, and has been extended for a week as it continues to sell out. Go see it while you can!

 

Onion Breath

Nicola was on ushering duty again at Circa Theatre, so we thought we’d go along and try their Burger Wellington offering before the show. When they first  opened I didn’t have a very high opinion of ChouChou, but they’ve improved somewhat in the intervening months, so I felt they should be able to do a good burger.

It’s called Onion Breath, and it’s described on the WOAP site like this: Beef patty, with sweet and spicy pickles, provolone, onion dip, and tobacco onion crisps in a Pōneke Bakery potato bun.

It looks like this: 

The DVB beer match is Chin-Wag, which I’ve tried before. It’s a fruity IPA flavoured with passionfruit and mango, and a good accompaniment to a rich burger.

How was it? It was served with a scattering of fries (not mentioned) which had been dusted with…something. The burger was their standard burger, and the melted provolone was present in abundance. The onions were…oniony. If you weren’t searching for it, you’d never have guessed the “tobacco” part, it was there as an extremely subtle background.

Pretty much an average burger with fried onions. I’m scoring this an average 5/10.