Viva Voce

This morning I took the first Forest Secrets tour at Zealandia. This is a new tour that concentrates on the plant life of Zealandia, its history and unusual features, particularly as they relate to New Zealand. Not my first tour, but the first! Hopefully there will be more to come.

Afterwards I took myself into town for some great reward. I’d been researching on the Burger Wellington site, mainly using as my search criteria “open on Sunday Lunchtime” and “DVB beer match” to find something tasty. I’d narrowed the search down to several in the Cuba Street vicinity, in case my first choice was too busy or said something daft like “we’re not doing that today”.

But they didn’t. I strode into Cuba Street Tavern, demanded a table, and ordered their burger and beer. It’s called Viva Voce – Latin for “by word of mouth”. The burger uses beef tongue and pork cheek - literally from the mouths of the animals. It’s described like this: Crispy pork cheek, with beef tongue bacon, gem lettuce, Thai basil, smoked cheese, kawakawa BBQ sauce, and sriracha in a housemade brioche bun, with Sichuan seasoned shoestring fries.

It looks like this: 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “eeurgh! Pork cheeks!” and “eeurgh! Beef tongue!” Well, put those preconceptions aside, because this is bloody delicious! The pork is soft and falls apart beautifully – far more so than the pulled pork of other, lesser, pork-based burgers. If they didn’t tell you the bacon was made from beef tongue you wouldn’t know, but you would know that it’s delicious. The barbecue sauce is tasty. The heat comes from the sriracha, which somewhat  overshadowed the kawakawa flavouring. The Thai basil offered a different, distinctive note as well. The whole makes a tasty burger.

Was there any downside? Well, as usual, the inclusion of lettuce left me cold. It lacked pick-upability, so I dived straight in with the cutlery. Personally, I’d’ve left out the sriracha and let the kawakawa and Thai basil do the heavy lifting flavour-wise. The fries were standard shoestring, and had no discernible Sichuan seasoning that I could detect. But these are minor quibbles for what was otherwise an unexpected flavour bomb, and probably the best I’ve had so far. I’m scoring this 9/10.

Bret McKenzie

Who he? Once a member of Flight Of The Conchords, and former band member of The Black Seeds, Bret has been a New Zealand icon since, like, ages ago. He’s won an Oscar for Best Original Song, and is generally a good bloke. He’s playing some solo shows in support of his new album, Freak Out City, with two shows in Wellington, his home town, in a converted Salvation Army Citadel turned gig venue, Meow Nui. What’s not to like? 

We were originally planning to go for dinner at Charley Noble, a venue I regularly slag off to visitors and locals alike. I used to go there for lunch when I worked at ANZ and have always been unimpressed by the place. And yet…it keeps being mentioned as a Top 10 place to go in Wellington, and Second Cousin Lauren has recently started working there, so I thought we’d give it another try.  But a quick look at the map said otherwise – I’d thought the concert venue was much closer. Another time, perhaps. We ended up in what is becoming a regular haunt, Cuba Street Tavern. They were quite busy, and they’ve changed up the format a little since we were last there – fewer sharing plates, and more main courses. Nevertheless, we made our selection (despite the absence of oysters – they’d run out), and waited. And waited. Eventually, after prompting the waiter, they brought all the food out at once. Previously they’d been of the type to bring things out as they were prepared. The problem this time round was that the chicken skewers were cold. I told the waiter, who told the chef, who (a) served us some hot ones and (b) removed them from the bill. So a slight blot on their copybook there.

We walked around the corner to Meow Nui, where there was a queue. I thought doors opened at 7:00pm, but was clearly misled in this regard. We found some good seats, and then visited the bar for a beer whilst waiting. Around 8:00pm, Bret wanders onto the stage, says “hi”, and starts playing his guitar. A minute later a couple of backing singers wandered on and started giving backing vocals. Then a drummer and a bass player, followed by keyboardist, brass section (sax and trombone), and an electric guitarist, as the song reached its crescendo and everyone was playing. So in the end there were nine of them in the band including Bret. Quite an ensemble!

He played a number of songs old and new, but it was the banter in between that really marked out the gig. He was a member of a comedy ensemble, and this shows. He told us about how they’d (by which he means, he’d) forgotten to bring any merch to one of their shows in the US, so instead started handing out Whittaker’s chocolate bars for the audience to break a piece off and pass around. This then became a thing, and they had to ask everyone coming from New Zealand to bring some Whittaker’s chocolate for them at each gig. They did the same in Australia, but, as he explained, the Aussies weren’t as stoked by this because you can actually get Whittaker’s in Australia, apparently. Nevertheless they continued to do it in New Zealand, and, after hearing about this from the previous night, were stunned when Tiffany from Whittaker’s showed up with a whole bagful of chocolate for the second Wellington show (i.e. the one we were at). So we enjoyed our Whittaker’s chocolate during the show.

If you’re one of my international readers and have never tried Whittaker’s chocolate, try to get hold of some…it’s bloody good!

He also got a volunteer from the audience to help him out with one of his songs. Turned out he’d recruited a Wellington actor (who may have positioned himself deliberately), Tiaki Sharp, so he was able to give a lot of acting ability to his part.

A little later, Bret invited another member of the audience to share a story so he could make up a song on the spot. Owen (I think) provided a tale of heartbreak from his first weeks at university, when he broke up with his girlfriend Sharone, and to ease the pain bought her some mint slice biscuits and a bunch of flowers. Bret wove this into a song: “Sharone, we should’ve broke up by phone” and “mint slices, to ease your emotional crisis” featured in it.

He also played his Oscar-winning song, complete with voices: Man Or Muppet?, and another song in which he parodied Morrissey, Everyone Is Horrid Except Me (and Possibly You), which has, apparently, earned him the lasting enmity of Steven Patrick. He didn’t give the impression that he was bothered by this.

And then – surprise! – Jemaine Clement appeared on stage, and they reprised one of the Flight Of The Conchords songs together: The Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room).

They left the stage but were back in what seemed microseconds to perform a two-song encore, before the lights came up. That set list in full can be found here.

Right, I’ve ordered the new album, should be here in a couple of days.

 

Dave Dobbyn

Or Sir Dave Dobbyn, as he now is…is a kiwi icon and legend. Originally in a band called Th’Dudes, he then went on to form DD Smash before continuing his career as a solo artist. He’s been around since the 70s. 

He keeps cropping up in the Tuesday night quiz at The Old Bailey, and every time he does, we don’t know the song. As he announced his tour we thought this might be a good chance to catch up with some Kiwiana culture, and also be able to answer the questions when they come up at quiz!

We went for dinner at Ombra to complete our set of stamps for the Mosaic passport…as well as the fact that we haven’t been to Ombra in a while, and it’s pretty good. It’s a Venetian-inspired Italian in the same format as their other restaurants – food comes out when they feel like it rather than any of that old-fashioned first-course-then-main-course thing.

A quick trot down Cuba Street landed us at the Opera House, which was sold out to the third level gallery – not often used for concerts. We were up in the nosebleed seats. On came the support act – a chap called Anthonie Tonnon, who as well as being a musician is the operator of Whanganui’s Durie Hill Elevator. He played a set which was part electronic music, part performance, and part repartee.

Then on came Sir Dave and his band, to tumultuous applause. He played through a set which clearly everyone in the crowd (except us) knew, and interspersed the songs with chat about the history of the songs, touring, his previous bands, life, the universe, and everything. Apparently he was thrown out of the Opera House after one particularly rambunctious gig way back in the seventies; on his return this time the stage manager (the same one!) said “you’re back then”. He couldn’t think of anything to reply to that, other than “sorry”. Hopefully he won’t have to stay away for another 40 years this time!

He gave a good long set, followed by two encores of two songs apiece. The full setlist can be found here.

So that’s Dave Dobbyn. Now we know.

 

Tim Freedman

Tim Freedman is coming to New Zealand, and Wellington, for the first time! Who is Tim Freedman? He’s the frontman of Aussie band The Whitlams, who hit fame, fortune and grief in the 90’s. He’s the only survivor of the original threesome, the other two members having killed themselves in 1996 and 2000. He carried on with new musicians, keeping the name The Whitlams for most of his career, but also touring as himself (I saw him in London as Tim Freedman). The band have recently reunited and released new material under the name The Whitlams Black Stump, but for his current tour of New Zealand he is performing just under his name.

He's playing at the San Fran, one of Wellington’s smaller venues with a capacity of 500. As it’s in Cuba Street this gave us an opportunity to gain another stamp on our Mosaic passport by dining at Kisa, where we overordered to the extent that we took some of it home in boxes. We then headed up the street to get there in time to stake a place at one of the few tables at the back of the venue. But wait? What’s this? The whole venue has been set out with tables and chairs! Apparently they’re not expecting the youth crowd for this gig, even though we’ve seen previous performers there who attract a somewhat vintage crowd of punks, goths etc. So we staked a place upon one of the benches near the back. Maybe the fact that the doors opened at 6:00pm was a clue...?

The support act came on about half an hour later: Tyson Smith is a local Wellington musician, and played a set of songs old and new (he released an album in 2014, and another last year) with his acoustic guitar. The songs are very long so he only got through five of them. 

After a bit of clearing up and tuning up, Ollie took the stage, shortly followed by Tim Freedman. Together they make up 40% (he’d done the maths for us, and told us this) of The Whitlams Black Stump, who tour and produce albums under that name. their latest, Kookaburra, is what they’re promoting with this latest tour, which is also visiting some of the main centres in Australia, playing with symphony orchestras rather than the small venues they’re playing in New Zealand. Unfortunately they've yet to make it available in New Zealand in CD format, so I haven't bought it.

He started out with Charlie No. 1 and Charlie No. 2, both familiar tunes to the cognoscenti, before diving in to new material. Tim sat at his keyboard throughout, and Ollie variously played pedal steel guitar and other guitar parts. At no point did he wield “one of those keyboard axes, wanted to get out and dance away from the piano”. They played a mixture of songs, but definitely leaning to those that featured a piano-based arrangement, rather than some of the more guitar-oriented tunes of yesteryear. 

They wrapped up the set by around 8:30pm so us fogies could take ourselves off to bed.

Hugh Cornwell

Hugh Cornwell...I recognise that name…isn’t he in The Stranglers? Actually, he departed The Stranglers in 1990 and has since toured and recorded 10 studio albums as a solo artist (as many as he made with The Stranglers). He’s touring Australia and New Zealand at the moment, so we thought we’d pop along to see him.

He was playing at the San Fran, so, as is becoming tradition, we went to pizza joint Santeria beforehand. Excellent as ever. The San Fran doors weren’t opening until 8:00pm on this occasion – indicating that there was no support act – so we whiled away some time in Cuba Street’s S&M Bar. Cuba Street, despite being full of restaurants and shops, has few decent bars – there’s a couple of very pubby pubs – but S&M is an oasis of calm…at least, at 7:30pm. S&M stands for “Scotty & Mal’s” before you go getting any ideas.

We’d been to see The Stranglers a few years ago – the remnants of the original band, with a new singer. As Cornwell was really the creative force behind the band’s success, they’ve really become a heritage act playing their greatest hits; despite having also recorded a further eight albums since Cornwell’s departure, that no-one listens to.

Cornwell, however, does not take this approach. Up front at the beginning of the show (after two songs I didn’t recognise), he told us he’d be playing two songs from a solo album, followed by a Stranglers “nugget”, as he called it. Some of these “nuggets” were also songs I didn’t know, rather than big hit singles. This may have been due to the fact that they were performing as a three-piece, without a keyboard player, so probably couldn’t do justice to tracks like Golden Brown. So, overall, I recognised five songs from the complete set, and two of those were in the encore: Skin Deep, Strange Little Girl, There’s Always The Sun, Nice ‘n Sleazy, and Hanging Around. Of the rest of the songs, the sound was somewhat monochromatic. Unlike a lot of bands, they’re not forever changing guitars between songs – everything is played on the same instruments, and of course with Cornwell's distinctive voice, it still sounded rather, well, Strangley. Which is no bad thing, I hasten to add. I’ll be going shopping to pick up one of his solo albums – four tracks from the latest, Moments of Madness, featured in the set. Hopefully there’s a bit more variety in the studio versions. And then, we’ll see…

 

Boney M

Boney M? Are they still going? Didn’t one of them die?

Yes, yes, and yes. In fact, they’re down to just one of the original line-up, Maizie Williams. This tour is billed as their “Farewell Tour”, but we’ve all heard that one before, haven’t we? Bobby Farrell, the original dancer, died in 2010. Whilst he often lip-synched the lyrics in their videos, the male vocals weren’t actually provided by him – their producer, Frank Farian, sang the studio versions – but he did sing in their live shows. Also, Maizie Williams didn’t sing on the original tracks –  Liz Mitchell was the main voice – she was also their for “decoration”, like Farrell. But she sings now, so that’s OK.

First, obviously, dinner. In the current straitened climate faced by many hospitality venues, their continued existence depends on our continued support…if you ignore them, they’ll go away. One place we definitely don’t want to go away is Wellingon’s last bastion of fine dining, Loggie B’s, and, as we haven’t been there in a while, we decided to push the boat out. We started out early to ensure we weren’t rushed, and had time for a cocktail before dinner as well. I had oysters (from Waiheke, not Bluff unfortunately) and duck breast, followed by chocolate fondant; and Nicola had the gnocchi and beef cheek, followed by the panna cotta. Classic dishes, but done so well, they can’t be beat.

We trotted along Cuba Street on what turned out to be a much milder evening than the last few nights, and reached St James Theatre. Upstairs and upstairs again, to the nosebleed seats in the grand circle, as this gig was sold out on all levels. First up we had support act Mark Williams. Is this the same Mark Williams who now fronts Dragon? It’s hard to tell, as he sang covers of disco hits rather than any of his own material, with a heavy emphasis on Hot Chocolate (You Sexy Thing, It Started With  A Kiss, So You Win Again, Every 1’s A Winner), and Mark Williams is a common name.

Then it was time for the main act, and they didn’t disappoint. They played all the classics, with a little bit of chat in between. You may have forgotten some of their songs, but they had some absolute belters, including a surprisingly heavy rock version of Belfast, and a promptu* version of We Will Rock You when the singers left for a costume change and the band members were introduced.

As the show reached its climax they played a banging version of Rasputin that got everyone on their feet, and followed it with By The Rivers Of Babylon to close out the set.

Did we want more? Of course we did! So on they came again, for just one more song, with a very heavy hint: Gotta Go Home. So we did.

 

* i.e. not impromptu

Baggy Trousers

Baggy Trousers are a Brisbane-based Madness tribute band. They’re touring New Zealand – and by “tour”, I mean they’re playing in the three main centres – so we decided to go along and see them. Whilst they’re Aussies, the singer is a Brit who has moved to Australia.

But first, dinner. As they’re playing Cuba Street’s San Fran bar, we decided to go for pizza at Santeria, formerly known as Heaven Pizza. Both had the Mexicana, and it was lovely. Then we trotted along the road to San Fran, and got a beer in whilst waiting for the support act…

…who were a revelation! They’re called The Underground, and they’re from Nelson. They’re also a cover band, but with a varied mix. The set started with In The City by The Jam, then continued with songs by The Clash, Buzzcocks, The Police, The Vapors, The Ruts, The Specials, more Jam and Clash. Honestly, you’d pay to see them on their own, and next time they’re in Wellington, we just might.

Then on to the main event. The arrival of the band was heralded by Return of Los Palmas 7 played through the PA. They covered all the classics,* but also mixed in some songs from more "recent" albums after the band reformed in the 90s. The hits were evenly dispersed throughout the show, mixed with some deep cuts, and they slowed it down on a couple of occasions, probably because the singer needed a rest from the high-energy performance he gives to the songs. He’s also clearly studied Suggs’ stage and video presence, as he had the gestures and dances down pat. Togged out in pinstriped suit, with porkpie hat and dark glasses, he looked the part. The supporting band were also very accomplished, although I could’ve wished for the piano to be slightly higher in the mix as it was drowned out a lot of the time.

They finished the main set with Our House, but then came back for an encore of Madness, then changed their headgear for a pith helmet and fezzes for Night Boat To Cairo.

 

 

* Driving In My Car didn’t get a look-in, possibly because of the complexity of the horns and bells. Also, Michael Caine didn’t make the mix.

 

Cuba Dupa

Wellington’s biggest street festival is back, bigger and better than ever before. We’ve not been for a while, and during la pandemia it was obviously a no-go. The festival is dance, music, street theatre, parades, and food, with various stages and areas set up for performance as well as the more mobile events. It starts on a Friday night, and on Saturday goes on late into the night, finally winding up on Sunday early evening.

As we’d volunteered for the Fringe Festival, we’d also signed up for Cuba Dupa. This involved two shifts for me, and one for Nicola (because orchestra on Saturday). Fortunately the weather was good – it being early autumn now, the weather can be a bit chancy – and whilst it was breezy on the Saturday, this didn’t seem to dampen anyone’s enthusiasm.

My first shift was helping out at the information stand on Cuba Street (there was another stand a little further away on Leeds Street car park), which also sold merchandise. The merch this year consisted of second-hand t-shirts, being recycled with a Cuba Dupa logo: these were either pre-printed, or you could select your own shirt and have a different design printed on them on the spot. This proved to be quite a popular option. Other items on sale were tote bags and reusable cups – a lot of the people who were attending, particularly into the night, were bar-hopping down Cuba Street to various venues and events. I was also able to watch the parades that went past during my shift, including a Bollywood-style dancing troupe.

My second shift on Sunday was a bit more tedious – managing the Green Rooms at Te Auaha. There were far fewer performances on Sunday, so in fact there were only three groups on during my shift – a wind and brass band and two dancing groups. They didn’t require much from me so most of my time was spent trying to find somewhere comfortable to seat and while away the hours, and directing people to the toilets.

After each shift I went on a bit of a stroll to get some pics to try to capture the atmosphere.

The King Of Taking

We’re back into the swing of things at Circa, with more and more shows that we want to see after the summer hiatus (pantomimes and kids’ stuff, chiefly). Also, Nicola has more shifts as an usher coming up so there’ll be plenty more opportunities to see things.

The King Of Taking stars Thom Monckton, who we previously saw as The Artist. It’s physical comedy, mime, and acrobatics all rolled into one. The King requests that his subjects (the audience) bring a present for him, and various audience members did so – these are revealed as a pile on a table later in the show. Bringing a gift also entitles you to a discount on the ticket price.

The King appears on stage. His first task is to sit on his throne, which takes him quite a while. He eventually achieves this in unorthodox fashion. Next, he needs to get to the presents. For some reason, his feet mustn’t touch the floor, so a series of rolled-up red carpets is used to eventually effect his access to the table where the presents are displayed. Along the way, he summons various assistants – in fact, his insistent called of ”Jonathan!”, followed by several others (none of whom actually appear) is the only real monologue throughout. The King is clearly displeased with their lack of ability, and instructs Katherine (also invisible) to execute them all by bow and arrow, then dispose of the bodies in the crocodile-infested castle moat.

Once the king finally arrives at the gift-laden table, he is able to open all the presents. I suspect that the first one is a deliberate plant, but after that they seem to be genuinely random gifts, and he has to improvise his surprise, delight, or disappointment to each one. It’s all good fun, and he is the master of expressiveness – just one look or expression can speak volumes. He’s only on for a week so the show’s been and gone already, but hopefully he’ll be back with more at a later date.

As it was an early show, we booked dinner afterwards, at Highwater. This is a restaurant at the lower end of Cuba Street, in what used to be a scuzzy, low-rent desert. The area has undergone a bit of a face-lift, and Highwater is part of what attracts people there. Last time I tried they were full, so this time I booked well in advance. The food is the shared plates model, but the plates were pretty good. I started with some oysters (unfortunately not Bluff but Waiheke Pacific, but pretty good all the same); then we shared dishes of salumi, spinach & dill pancakes, albacore crudo, endive salad and grilled wagyu flank. All done to a very high standard – I think this will become a regular, also given its location near Michael Fowler Centre and Circa.

 

 

Postmodern Jukebox

Postmodern Jukebox are a cover band. They do versions of (mostly) modern pop songs in various jazz styles, sometimes re-writing them so much that they’re almost unrecognisable from the original. What’s not to like about that?

First, of course, we went to dinner. Having been disappointed by Floriditas last time we went out, we decided to go whole hog and just do Logan Brown instead, which is always top quality. They, too, have been affected by inflation, and their three-course dinner is now $89; but even so, with cocktails and wine, it came to about the same as Floriditas, but with Logan Brown food. So guess where we’ll stick to next time?

 A short walk down Cuba Street took us to the Michael Fowler Centre, where we took our seats in the circle. The band came on, and played a load of mostly American hits – Thriller, I’ll Be There For You (the Friends theme song), Last Nite, Seven Nation Army, and All About That Bass were notable numbers. I’d post the entire set list, but setlist.fm don’t even acknowledge that the gig took place (although they do recognise Auckland’s), let alone remind me what the songs were.

At the beginning of the show, and in direct contravention of the usual rules applicable at Wellington venues, the MC explicitly allowed us to take pics and video, and encouraged us to post them online with a #PMJ tag. I’m sure there were a few pursed lips from venue staff who usually police the “no photography” clause with neo-nazi ruthlessness.

The songs are performed by various singers, sometimes solo, some duos and some in three-part harmony. Also included in the entertainment was a tap dancer, who tapped his way through a couple of numbers…fortunately not too many, because tap dancing, for me at least, wears thin pretty quickly.

Here’s a sample of them in action:

The party went on quite late, and we stayed up past 11 o’clock!

…Thursday Night, ‘Round Ten

You Am I have been around the Australian music scene for decades. Somehow, I have six of their albums…I think I bought the first one from a bargain bin because I vaguely recognised the name. It turned out to be You Am I’s #4 Record (that’s what it’s called) and contains, amongst other gems, the seminal Heavy Heart. They’ve never really hit the big time, but they’ve always been part of the background. They announced their tour of New Zealand in 2020, so you can imagine how that went. Yes, after two postponements, they managed to finally get to play at the San Fran in Cuba Street on Thursday.

The San Fran is one of those trendy places frequented by young people – you know, the ones who stay up past 10 o’clock. Doors opened at 8pm, so we decided to go for dinner at Floriditas first. We’ve not been there in a while, so thought we’d give it a go. The food was good, but not great. The price, however, was great, but not good. Yes, I know we’ve all been suffering from inflation, but frankly, we could dine at Capitol or Logan Brown for that…and the quality definitely wasn’t up to that level. They’re good for daytime café stuff, but won’t be going there again in the evening in a hurry.

We were amongst the first in at San Fran, so managed to secure that rarity – a table! The support band came on at around 9 o’clock, a local outfit called Voodoo Bloo, who play a kind of alternative rock/punk style, with a bass player whose energy, frankly, was exhausting just to watch. I googled whilst they were playing, and found out that their singer was called Rory. When they finished, they headed back out to the audience, so I introduced myself to him…us Rorys have to stick together! We had a brief chat, then he went to join the rest of the band. 

Voodoo Bloo

At around 10 o’clock, You Am I came on. They played a long set, maybe 90 minutes, of which I knew about a third. They’ve been busy releasing albums since my last purchase, which was Convicts in 2008. Guess I’ll have to go shopping again – their latest, The Lives Of Others, came out in 2021. They played a good mix of old and new, and generally rocked the house. I was a little surprised at the size of the audience – they’re an established band, but even playing a small venue like San Fran, the crowd was only about 200 or so (the capacity is 500)…this despite Wellington being the birthplace of bassist Andy Kent. Last time we were there was for The Muttonbirds, and the place was packed. 

Tim Rogers

They didn’t play an encore – as Tim Rogers explained, he considers them condescending. Around 1130 they finished up, and we headed home.

 

Oh, and if you’re wondering about the title of this post: ...Saturday Night, 'Round Ten

Smash ’em Bro

One of the best places to eat burgers in Wellington is Grill Meats Beer. Unfortunately, they’re usually only open at lunchtimes on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so I didn’t consider them yesterday as a likely burger venue. When I got home, however, I found a Facebook post advertising their Burger Wellington entry, and disclosing the fact that they’d be open from Wednesday…information which would have been useful to me an hour earlier.

Oh well. Thursday was a bright sunny day, and I decided to take myself off to Zealandia for a walk and to see what I could see, not having been able to visit for three weeks. And after a refreshing walk around the sanctuary, what better way to relieve one’s appetite than with a burger? I took a detour on the way home and stopped off in Cuba Street to try their wares.

Grill Meats Beer’s burger offering this year is called Smash ’em Bro – a clear reference to the segment on sports comedy show The Crowd Goes Wild called “Smashed ‘Em, Bro”, where they summarise the best smashings – hard tackles where the tacklee is smashed – of the week. These are mostly garnered from rugby (both Loig and Union), but also sometimes include unintentional smashings from other sports, like netball. But I digress…the burger is described like this: Houseground beef patty with Swiss cheese, cheddar, pickles, red onion, lettuce and Epic Burger Sauce Vol 3 in a Brezelmania milk bun. The Garage Project beer match is Beer, so I had one. It looks like this: 

Again, a messy burger. Cutlery is provided, but I decided to forgo it. Also, this is another one without a side of chips and again, no offer from the waiter…which is a shame, as Grill Meats Beer do make tasty chips. Despite the mess, bun integrity was good, and the bun had been toasted. Overall, not a bad burger, but it was a bit…meh. This is GMB, folks! You’re supposed to be good at this stuff! Frankly, their normal burger is better than this, so I don’t know exactly what they’re trying to achieve. Again, a score of 7/10 from me.

The Tongue Twister

We were in town today so decided to try a burger from Olive on Cuba Street. They’re a reliable café-style eatery, with a menu that is usually quite vegetarian-heavy, but they’ve decided to go big on the meat burger this year with The Tongue Twister.

It’s described on the Burger Wellington page like this: Beef patty with tongue bacon, battered pickle, green peppercorn BBQ sauce, smoked cheddar, lettuce and mayonnaise in an Arobake horopito brioche bun, with prawn and soy crackers and seaweed salt. The Garage Project beer match is Pickle beer. This has the misfortune to be a sour beer, a style I’m not keen on, so I picked a Parrotdog Pandemonium instead. Also, as there are no chips with this burger, I ordered some.

It looks like this:

The first thing that happened was the lid and burger slid off the base as the waiter put it on the table. Clearly unstable, I thought, as I reassembled the burger, and proceeded to attack it with knife and fork instead.

The key feature of this burger is the tongue bacon, and there were two generous slices of this topping the patty. Other than that, the other elements of the burger were all present. Personally I’d have left out the lettuce, or at least shredded it to make it a bit more manageable, but that’s just my preference. The bread-to-burger ratio was more to the bread side, and I left half of the top uneaten. The prawn crackers seemed to be a bit of an afterthought, and didn’t really complement the burger in any way, so I’m not sure why they were there. Just serve your burgers with chips, people! (Unless you’re deliberately doing an Asian-style bao burger or something.) The patty itself was flavourful and well cooked, and overall I thought this was a good burger. I scored it an 8/10.

The Mutton Birds

Blimey, another gig? Yes, that’s right, and on consecutive nights too! Burning the candle at both ends for an old fart like me. I haven’t got round to writing about it because of the day job.

From international megastars to a band barely known in their own country. From Wellington’s largest gig space to one of its more intimate. From the sublime to the ridiculous.

The Mutton Birds were formed in the early nineties, and produced the sort of good songwriting and jangly guitars associated with other bands like REM and Crowded House. Maybe there just isn’t enough room for that many bands out there for people to like. They never really took off, having a few hits in New Zealand but hardly heard of outside. They made four “proper” albums, as well as a number of compilation and live releases. I have two of them. They broke up in the early noughties, but reformed in 2012 for a wineries tour of New Zealand, and have come back together on other occasions since then.

And this is one of those occasions. As soon as they came up on my regular gig emails, I snapped up tickets, as they’re likely to sell out really quickly. The San Fran only hold five hundred people – a far cry from the 34,000 who turned up for the Queen gig.

Due to the traffic problem, and the fact that the first band wouldn’t be on stage until 8:30, we decided to go in later and park in Marion Street. We walked up Cuba Street to Heaven Pizza for dinner, designed our own pizzas, washed them down with beer and orange juice (not mixed together!) then walked back to San Fran, which had only just opened.

The first band on were called Teeth. They played a short set of six songs. After the first song, the singer announced “We’re Teeth. This is David’s fault”. Naturally, I was expecting to hear a song called “David’s Fault”, but I couldn’t make that out from the lyrics.

After a short interval, The Mutton Birds took to the stage. With the same guitarist as in Teeth. He’s a chap called David Long, and Teeth is his new band, apparently. The lightbulb went on over my head! They played through their set of jangly guitar music. I sang along to the ones I knew, which was quite a few. Don McGlashan occasionally got out his trademark instrument, the euphonium, for a couple of tracks. Only in New Zealand! They also played a song new to me but clearly well-loved by this crowd, I Wish I Was In Wellington, which, unsurprisingly, celebrates all the great things about living in Welly!

Don McGlashan with euphonium. What, you thought I was kidding?

They finished up, played a rousing encore, and then we headed for home.

Mighty Ducks

We’re into the final weekend of Wellington On A Plate, and still there are so many burgers left untasted! I’ve been selecting them more or less at random, based on where we are and what we’re doing, rather than the more scientific approach I’ve taken in previous years. However, our fellow diners at Bambuchi on Thursday evening had recommended the duck burger at Ombra, so we thought we’d give it a try for Saturday lunch.

Ombra is one of the hipper joints along Cuba Street, a street known for its hipness. A hat, a beard, and a jaunty attitude are de rigueur. We were soon ensconced at a window table, and, after a lengthy inspection of the menu, decided on…two burgers. Their offering is called Mighty Ducks, and is described like this: Pulled duck with crispy skin and pâté, giardiniera pickles, endive and saffron aioli in a housemade Italian milk bun, with duck fat fries. Does that sound tasty or what? It looked like this:

The Garage Project beer match is Electric Dry Hop Acid Test. As I may have mentioned, I’m not mad keen on sour beers, of which this is one, so opted for a Whistling Sisters brew instead.

First thing you’ll notice is the size: this is not a large burger. This is due to the fact that it’s very rich, with duck meat, duck skin, and duck-fat-cooked chips, so in fact you don’t want a huge serving. The giardiniera pickles seemed to be exclusively red onion. I could have happily left the curly endive out, as it stuck out of the bun untidily and made getting a mouthful trickier than it needed to be. That said, this is a tasty burger. The duck meat was very tender, but there was the additional crackle of the skin. The fat fries – practically roast potatoes – were good, and the bun was nicely charred inside, which helps with burger integrity to the end. All in all, a very good burger, which I rated an 8.

The Sip And Dip

Saturdays are currently being taken up with a morning activity, about which more later, which finishes at 1:00pm. Afterwards, we headed into town, to try to find a burger which sounded a bit better than the one we’d tasted on Thursday. After a quick glance at the selections, we decided once again to try our luck along Cuba Street, this time at Olive.

Olive has been around for a few years now, and is one of the hipper joints along Cuba Street – they’ve been serving more than one vegetarian option since ages ago. They do, however, sell meat-based meals as well, and their burger sounded like just the ticket. It’s called The Sip And Dip : Chargrilled beef patty, streaky bacon, Kingsmeade Riversdale pecorino and buttermilk fried courgette in a potato bun, with onion dip. Onion dip is, of course, a Kiwi institution, made by mixing Maggi onion soup powder into reduced cream. The Garage Project beer match is Hatsukoi, a Japanese-style lager. It looks like this:

What can we observe about this burger? Yes, it’s a patty! Finally! And made with beef! OK, so what else is going on? We’ve got some crispy bacon, some cheese, and some rather superfluous fried courgettes, which didn’t really add any value to the whole proposition. The fries were standard string fries, but were well-made and crispy. A single crunchy iceberg leaf sat underneath the patty, and the bun was toasted inside to prevent burger collapse syndrome. The whole thing held together throughout, and this is definitely the burger of the competition so far. It’s a good, regular burger, with a little bit of something extra without being too showy. I awarded it a 9.

The Visitors

Nicola’s nephew, Andrew, is doing a post-university bout of travelling the world with his girlfriend, Zoe. Having taken in South East Asia and Australia, he’s headed over to New Zealand for a few weeks to do the whole North to South experience. And what is that experience without a few days in Wellington?

They’re travelling around New Zealand with Kiwi Bus, who offer a hop-on hop-off service allowing you to spend as long or as short as you like in any location.  They arrived early evening from an adventure camp in the middle of nowhere, so figured that they’d probably want to stretch their legs a bit and take a wander after several hours on the bus. It was a lovely sunny evening in the middle of the heatwave that New Zealand is experiencing this summer, so we headed up to Cuba Street to visit Grill Meats Beer, a restaurant that does exactly what it says on the tin. After dinner we took them home and sorted out our plans for the coming days.

First order of business was to get down to Scorching Bay for a morning swim and breakfast at Scorch-o-rama. That achieved, we took them on the obligatory Wellington day out, starting at Mount Victoria Lookout, followed by a trip on the cable car and bus up to Zealandia. I drove them to the Cable Car stop on Lambton Quay, then drove up to Zealandia to meet them, arriving by bus from the top of the cable car.

After a tour of Zealandia, spotting the obligatory kaka, saddlebacks, hihi and bellbirds, we returned for some lunch at the café and then home. Despite all this activity we still hadn’t worn them out, and they headed over the hill to the beach at Scorching Bay for another swim.

The following morning we did the next step on the Wellington experience – the Weta Workshop tour. Weta Workshop is literally at the bottom of the hill where we live, so everyone who visits us gets to go on it. For those who don’t know, they are the company that produces all the props for films such as LOTR, The Hobbit, and many others – not just Peter Jackson films, but all manner of other films as well. They also made the models for The Scale Of Our War at Te Papa, and do other work. During the tour no photography is allowed as all the props on show are still the property of the various film companies that commissioned them. You are, however, allowed to handle some of them (they have a touchy-feely area for just that) as well as talk to the guide and anyone who’s working there at the time; all the guides are also model makers, artists, or otherwise have real jobs at Weta, not just tour guiding.

On Sunday, Nicola had a chorus engagement that she couldn’t miss, so we took ourselves over the Rimutakas to Martinborough, to indulge in a bit of wine tasting. We visited some vineyards that I’d not been to in a while, including Haythornthwaite and Margrain – both still in the original family’s hands – and then went to Palliser Estate for a final taste and some lunch. The weather wasn’t quite as favourable as we’d hoped, so we didn’t stop at the lookout on either journey, as the view would have been of clouds and not much else. Still, we had a good time, and hopefully they learned a little about wines.

On Monday, Nicola was again at work so we went for a drive and a walk around the South Coast of Miramar peninsula, from Seatoun around Point Dorset to Breaker Bay; then on to Island Bay, where unfortunately the Beach House & Kiosk was closed. After a quick swim there were headed back and awaited Nicola’s return.

How To Be German

Yes, the comedy festival is back, and with it, our favourite German comedian (it’s quite a small field here in New Zealand), Paco Erhard. Paco, you may remember, was the Worst. German. Ever. in 2015, and now he’s back with a new show in which he promises “I can make you German” in five easy steps. This may not have been a state of affairs to which I’d previously aspired, but what the hell, I thought I’d give it a go.

First, of course, dinner. I’d tried to book St John’s Bar via their online booking system, but it insisted that they had no tables at 5:30 and 6:00pm, so I abandoned that idea, and instead we went to Cuba Street fave, Plum Café. We’d not been there in a while and I had an outstanding Entertainment book offer burning a hole in my phone, so that was my next choice. OK, it’s a short walk to the venue from Cuba Street, but nothing we can’t manage, even on a wind- and rainswept Wellington evening. They did a very nice pork belly with Israeli couscous, washed down with a Martinborough Riesling.

We crossed over to The Boatshed for the evening’s entertainment. Not normally open to the public, the venue was set up with a marquee atop the building, which was serving wine, beer and pizza. This was a “holding pen” for the audience before the doors were opened just before 7pm and we were able to take our seats in the top-floor room of the rowing club. The venue is normally used for weddings, functions and corporate events, but tonight was set out with theatre-style rows of seats. Given the space available and the number of tickets sold they could have set it up with tables and chairs, but hey…nitpicking.

Paco came on stage shortly after 7:00pm, and proceeded to inform us about the first step to being German: punctuality! His show is an exploration of all things German, other nationalities, and the difficulties of admitting to being German when meeting, for example, anyone Jewish. He asked if any Germans in the audience could raise their hands (“No! Not like that!”), and finding a token English person in the audience to be the foil for all his English jokes. Some of the material was the same or similar to when we saw him two years ago, but he’s expanded his repertoire a bit further. He covered some of the same stories about his schooling, learning about the Holocaust in history lessons, maths lessons, geography lessons…

There aren’t really five steps to becoming German, because we all start from different places, and anyway, which type of German do you want to be? He detailed several stereotypes, both as experienced by the world outside Germany, and those experienced by other Germans inside Germany, of which we may have been less aware. His show was longer this time around, but he is going to need some new material at some point to progress up the comedy ladder. We all left feeling slightly more German than when we’d entered, apart from maybe the Germans, who probably felt more smug.