Dara Ó Briain

It’s raining comedy in New Zealand! Hot on the heels of Bill Bailey comes Ireland’s finest, Dara Ó Briain. As you can tell from the picture, his tour is ending in New Zealand, not beginning.

Dinner first: we booked The Old Quarter, a modern Asian place on Dixon Street. They specialise in Vietnamese food; they also specialise in serving you quickly and turning over tables. We made a rookie mistake of ordering our drinks and food at the same time, and the food started arriving before our cocktails were ready! Next time, we’ll order cocktails and not do the food until they’ve arrived. All of it was delicious, however, and we even had time for a dessert.

It’s just up the road from St James Theatre, so in a matter of moments we were in the foyer with time on our hands. On this occasion we had eschewed the cheap seats and booked into the dress circle (there’s also a grand circle), and settled in for Dara to begin.

When Dara Ó Briain does stand-up, he doesn’t have anything on the stage, except a stand with some water on it. This, we found out later, has its drawbacks. Much of his show is stream of consciousness, and he disappears off on to wild tangents before dragging himself back to the story he was telling. He also did some audience interaction, meeting people in the front row and basically taking the piss out of their jobs (there was a hypnotherapist, an animal experimenter, and a civil servant, amongst others).

Anyway, he’s pleased to be back in Wellingon, if only because the Cable Car is working now. On his first visit in 2019 it was out of action, being repaired. “But don’t worry, there’s a replacement bus service”, said the attendant. Dara then explains “I don’t have a meeting at the top of the Cable Car that I have to get to, I just wanted a go on the Cable Car.” But now he’s happy.

The second half of the show takes a different tack. After first regaling us about the joys of visiting a theme park, with rollercoasters and the like, mere days after undergoing knee surgery, he realised he’d missed out a bit of his show. He ran off stage to collect his exercise book, and started leafing through it, eventually pulling out a swathe of papers. He then proceeded, for around half an hour, to give us a harrowing tale of the privations suffered under Irish law, by anyone who was adopted. And why they were adopted. This all came from having watched a film called Philomena, which he heartily recommends, as do I. Because (spoiler alert), it turns out Dara is adopted, and he detailed the Kafkaesque Irish bureaucracy involved in getting information about the woman who “gave you up” for adoption. Like many Irish phrases, “giving up for adoption” is a euphemism that disguises the horrendous truth (cf. “The Troubles”) that these women had their babies taken from them forcibly, and often sold to Americans. Yes, sold. This was in the latter part of the 20^th century. It’s a very moving story, and fortunately one with a happy ending, which is not the usual outcome.

But it’s all a bit of a downer. This is supposed to be a comedy show! So Dara then brings us back with an upbeat, uplifting story about an audience member in Canada, to cheer us all up! And then he leaves the stage, before coming back for an inevitable encore about how he was asked for a seven-minute segment to trail his show, and how this was impossible, because it takes him an hour just to say “hello”.

Bill Bailey: Thoughtifier

That old card Bill Bailey has gotten into the habit of starting his tours in New Zealand. It’s a sad fact of life that many acts, both comedians and music, will start off their tours in Europe & America, and don’t get to New Zealand until (sometimes) several years later. Not so Mr. Bailey, though…in fact, at one point during his show, as he railed against the incompetencies of UK politicians, someone heckled him “Emigrate!”, and he shared his serious thoughts on how he’d considered moving to New Zealand at one point. He loves New Zealand!

But I digress. Obviously, you want to know where we went for dinner beforehand? We went to Mr. Go’s, a perennial favourite, who have now relocated to larger premises on Eva Street. The food, however, has remained to the same high standard, and we had my favourite, Korean chicken wings, along with broccolini, dumplings, and “typhoon shelter” prawns – because they’re like a typhoon for the taste buds!

Bill (we’re mates) was on at the Michael Fowler Centre, which has a bigger capacity than St James Theatre...and also, crucially, more comfortable seats! Nevertheless, he’d had to book an additional night – we were on the second show of the two, on Monday night. I’ve since spoken to some people who went on the previous night, and there were definitely elements of our show that weren’t in theirs – a testament to his ability to ad-lib and concoct hilarious moments without needing to just stick to a script. Many of his quips were tailored specifically for a New Zealand audience, including constant digs at Palmerston North, and always referring to this gig as being in “Wellington and the surrounding areas”.

As ever, the show involves a lot of music, and this time round he’d come equipped with MIDI balls. These are bouncy balls, wirelessly connected to a computer, which play a sound whenever they are bounced or hit. He distributed some of these to the audience (in the front row, natch), to play the drum line, whilst he played the guitars on another pair of balls himself. Obviously, there's a comedy moment to be had about playing with one 's balls. Another instrument he introduced was the laser harp – a series of laser beams are the strings, and he plays it by “plucking” them – a note is played when he interrupts the beam. He also plays more traditional instruments, including walking around the house and doing everything in the death metal style. Also, a madrigal interlude based on Henry VIII’s meeting with Anne of Cleves – clearly a comedy goldmine! And a rendition of Habenera from Carmen, with subtitles which he felt more accurately reflected the content of the aria; with the assistance of Deborah Wai Kapohe.

Another area he explored in some detail was the emergence of AI. He has built some AI clones of himself and asked them questions, and also deals with some ChatGPT live on a screen. He’s unconvinced by the idea that AI will be taking over the world soon, and demonstrates why.

As ever, two hours of howlingly funny, intelligent comedy. If you can get to it, do – he’s playing the UK and Ireland from February next year.

 

 

Dracula’s: The Resurrection

What is Dracula’s? According to its website, it was “born in a dark, dingy Melbourne laneway in 1980, and four decades later has sold over five million tickets…leaps like a feathered zombie show girl - from the crypt!” In Australia, it has a fixed venue on the Gold Coast, with a dinner and a show. For the tour, there’s no dinner – although their signature cocktails were available, served in blood bags. It’s best described as a comedy gothic cabaret show. What’s not to like?

It’s on at St James Theatre for three nights and a matinee, and has also toured the rest of New Zealand. Before the show, two of the cast are patrolling the foyer in full makeup and costume, interacting with the audience. The show started with a bang, and a rendition of Sympathy For The Devil. The show contains “strobe lighting, haze, fog/smoke effects, simulated pyrotechnics, strong language, partial nudity, and adult themes”. As well as the cabaret elements, there was a circus-style act with aerial silk, and a lot of singing and dancing. The performers are all very technically accomplished. The more comedic acts included one with two men and two bath towels…and nothing more. The first half ended on the song When I Was A Sperm.

The second half continued in the same theme, and finished with a musical medley, beginning with a puppet version of Bohemian Rhapsody, then live versions of Let’s Go Crazy and Let’s Dance. All jolly good fun, and we emerged blinking into the afternoon sun.

The Importance Of Being Earnest

The classic Oscar Wilde tale has been on at Circa Theatre for the last few weeks. Nicola got the ushering gig for its pre-penultimate night, so I went along too. 

It’s not a short play, so the start time was brought forward to 6:30pm. This limited our dining options somewhat, so we decided to dine off the new Circa restaurant menu. I’d been disappointed with their fush’n’chups the last time I was there, so this time opted for the chicken burger. It’s not brilliant.

When you tackle a classic like this, you’ve got to add a twist. The last version of this I saw was with Judi Dench, who tackled the famous “a handbag?” line with quiet restraint instead of the usual histrionics…so that’s been done. The quirk added by this production is in the casting: Algernon is played by Isobel Mackinnon, and Gwendolen by Ryan Carter. The part of John Worthing was played by Andrew Paterson, who we know as a member of A Slightly Isolated Dog as well as other roles, and has been a regular at Circa over a number of years. Also departing from most other productions is the maid Merriman’s rendition of Life On Mars, which I don’t remember being in the original.

It’s all splendidly done, and everything works out in the end. Sorry, should’ve said “spoiler alert” there.

 

Election Day

We’re coming up on re-election day

New Zealand has been having one of its general elections recently. They happen every three years here, which is quite often. When the election comes around the Electoral Commission advertises for casual workers to deliver the election – around 20,000 people get involved in the whole process. Nicola and I decided to give it a go this year. 

We applied online and were duly invited to an interview/assessment to see whether we were suitable and for which roles. We both ended up being OSVIOs, which is Ordinary/Special Vote Issuing Officer. It’s our job to complete the voting paper (what used to be called a ballot paper) for each voter as they come to us; telling them how to mark their vote (if necessary), and where to put the voting paper when they’d finished.

Unlike some countries, voting is open for two weeks before the final Election Day, so voting places (what used to be called Polling Stations, but this is too difficult for some people to understand) are open and need to be staffed. We both attended training in the weeks before so that we would have a clear idea of what we were doing – you can watch so many videos and online modules, but there’s nothing like practising doing it for real. Nicola was allocated to work in the Miramar Community Centre, which is just down the road, and I was in Hataitai Community House, which is a bit further away, necessitating a drive. In the week before election day, I was working for five days, then did the final ED on Saturday. This is a long day, as we start at 9am instead of the usual 10am, and go through to 7pm instead of 4pm. But at 7pm, it’s not over. In the days leading up to ED, we’d finish up with a reconciliation to total all the votes issued that day to a running total – a process that normally took half an hour. On ED, however, we have to count all the votes for each candidate and each party, and send those to Electoral Headquarters. On ED I’d been moved to Miramar Community Hall so I was in a bigger voting place than I’d been used to. Additionally, we had three electorates for which we were counting votes there, and each one needs to be processed separately.

You remember that bit about “where to put their voting paper”? It’s up there, at the end of paragraph two? Yeah, that’s too hard. So when we were first starting the count, we had to open up all the ballot boxes and make sure that they contained only those votes for that electorate. You’re way ahead of me on this one, aren’t you? Of course there were some in the wrong boxes! After we’d sorted that out, the counting proper could begin. This is a long process, but once it’s complete the manager gets on the phone to headquarters and relays his results…which then get fed through to the TV stations and news networks.

We finished up around 11:15, signed out, said our goodbyes and “see you in three years!”es, and got home. My back was aching and I was still buzzing, so I watched the results show with a glass or two of muscle relaxant before I hit the hay.

 

 

Geology

As members of the Friends of Te Papa, we are often invited to participate in talks or other events arranged by FoTP as part of their fundraising efforts. Occasionally, we even accept! 

This tour was to explore the geology of Wellington city, and was led by Hamish Campbell, formerly of GNS. We were advised to bring outdoor and waterproof clothing as we would be going outside on what turned out to be a cold, windy, somewhat drizzly day.

We arrived at Te Papa to board our coach at 9:45, and set off around Wellington’s coast – i.e. the route we usually drive to and from Wellington! – with commentary from Hamish. He distributed maps of the city, oriented such that the edge of the map was parallel with the Wellington Fault and the whole of the harbour could be included. There was lots of stuff about faults, and subduction, and plates. The rock in the Wellington region is uniformly greywacke base rock, a type of sandstone.  Our route took us around the bays and along Shelly Bay road – the first time we’d been up that way since the fire in June this year. All those lovely heritage buildings destroyed. So sad.

Our first stop was at the Wahine Memorial in Seatoun. The memorial itself is built from greywacke of various different colours – fifty shades of greywacke! The different colours reflect the fine-ness of the particles that made up the original sedimentary layer, and also the amount of carbon included – the more carbon, the darker it appears. Hamish also asked us to consider where the pebbles on the beach had come from – not the sea, as it happens, but almost exclusively delivered by man.

From here we drove along the south coast towards Red Rocks. The tarmac road runs out after passing Owhiro Bay, so from there we went on foot to admire some of the rock formations in what used to be a quarry. The fault lines are clearly visible in the rock, and the shift between the layers of strata show the subduction and bending of the rock under extremely high temperatures deep underground, which have now been brought up to the surface. 

This is all your fault

We ate our packed lunches on the coach at this point, it being generally too cold, windy and rainy to eat outside. From there we drove up to Karori, with the intention of getting up to Wright’s Hill to see the whole of the Wellington fault from the vantage point. But the weather was against us by this time, and we scratched the idea after a cup of coffee, as there would have been nothing to see under these conditions. We therefore drove on to the final stop on the tour – a church built in the 1960s, the Futuna Chapel. This is included because it contains three unusual types of stone: an altar made of red South African granite, serpentinite in the floor, and the marble used for altars around the rest of the chapel. Hamish told us about serpentinite and the difference between it and pounamu (greenstone or jade); and also about his adventures in finding pounamu, and the research which eventually led to a unique way of identifying pounamu using radio isotope dating, which is the only reliable way to positively say where a piece of stone has originated; strontium/lead decay is the method used.

That about concluded our tour, and we drove back to the city centre. They asked us where wanted to be dropped off (as the route was going past some people’s homes), so I hopefully raised my hand and said Miramar, but they weren’t going for that, and we alit at the bus station to complete our journey on the No. 24 bus.

Tim Finn

Tim Finn, brother of Neil and integral part of Split Enz and later joining Crowded House, is back playing gigs around New Zealand. We’ve seen Neil on a number of occasions over the last decade or so, but this is the first time that Tim’s broken cover, so of course we went!

First, as always, the obligatory dinner. Recently we’ve been frequenting much the same haunts, principally due to their proximity to Michael Fowler Centre, or wherever we’re due that evening. But tonight we cast the net a little wider, to revisit a place we’ve not been to, I think, since pre-pandemic times: Pravda. This has morphed into a specialist steak restaurant these days, but they do also have other options. They’re also doing a pre-WOW set menu, but we decided to forgo that in favour of a steak. Unfortunately when I asked the waiter about oysters he told me they’d sold out, but we ploughed on regardless. I had baby octopus and hurunui fillet, Nicola had burrata and squid. Still a class restaurant, I’m happy to report.

A short walk took us back to Mickey Fowl’s and this time we were seated in the upper section, at the back – best seats in the house! The support band, Flip Grater, came on and gave us a short set of seven songs which all sounded the same. 

Then time for the main act. The house lights go down, the stage lights go up, and the musicians all take their places; on comes Tim, to a tremendous roar! He trips up, and the whole place goes dark and quiet. What’s happened? The lights return, and “Oops!” says Tim. “That was my mistake”…and they immediately rip into My Mistake. I see what you did there!

The rest of the set followed a roughly chronological order, with the first half made up of Split Enz songs, before heading off to solo material and three songs from Crowded House’s Woodface (Tim wasn’t a founding member of CH and only joined for their third album). At the end, they came on for an encore of two more Split Enz songs and another solo number, Staring At The Embers, from his debut solo album. The title of the tour, The Times And Lives of Tim Finn, seemed to imply a retrospective of his entire oeuvre; what we got was nearly all from the early part of his output, and nothing since 1991’s Woodface. Whilst the prospect of “heritage acts” using the dreaded N-word (for “New Material”) can strike terror into the hearts of audiences, I wouldn’t have minded hearing some of his more recent work as well as the classics. But he gave a good set over 1¾ hours, and definitely had a good time!

 

I Want To Be Happy

Nicola is pulling a double duty ushering at Circa Theatre tonight – Verbatim at 6 o’clock and I Want To Be Happy at 8 o’clock. I didn’t much fancy the first one, so went along later to see catch the second show.

As we didn’t have much time between shows, we decided to dine in-house at Circa’s restaurant. Their choice is somewhat limited, but they do do a tasty plate of spicy dumplings, so that’s usually our default option…but wait! What’s this? It’s all changed, and they have a new caterer, with a new menu. Looks like dumplings are off the menu, boys! Also off the menu is tap beer, as they’ve removed the pump. Ah well…we had salmon mousse and fish’n’chips instead. It wasn’t brilliant.

The play has two central characters, a scientist and a guinea pig. Both can speak, but neither can understand each other. They try to communicate, but largely fail. They are both trapped, but in different ways, and are trying to break free. Paul, the scientist, is undergoing a divorce, and the play becomes a metaphor for his marriage. Binka, the guinea pig, is trapped in her cage. During the course of the play she has two mates, and some children, as she is part of the breeding programme. Without giving too much away, she is ultimately left alone. As is Paul, whose wife leaves him. He tells Binka this in various monologues, but Binka can’t really understand. All she wants is to find love, and to escape into the open air and see the mountains once more. On one of her escapes she encounters a fearsome cat, so learning that freedom isn’t necessarily a universally good thing.

Whilst the subject matter is serious and thought-provoking, there are moments of hilarity – mostly provoked by the guinea pig costumes and the animatronics used to show the escape and flight scenes, which lightened the mood somewhat. Definitely worth watching if you get the chance!

Mocha Me Verry Happy

Our final foray into the world of Burger Wellington was a local establishment, Double Vision Brewery. They’ve been gracing the Wellington craft beer scene for a while now, and have a tasting room/restaurant attached to the brewery. Even though they’re a local Miramar brand, and I’ve drunk their beer many a time, we haven’t previously set foot inside. We went on a Saturday, and it turns out that it’s their last-Saturday-of-the-month quiz lunch. All the table were reserved, but we promised we’d be out by one o’clock so we were able to get their burger. 

It's called Mocha Me Verry Happy, and it’s described on the WOAP site like this: People's Coffee-rubbed beef patty, with Wellington Chocolate Factory chocolate bacon and savoury whip, on a Dough bakery doughnut bun, with a side of chips and housemade tomato sauce. Interesting! A savoury/sweet combination burger.

It looks like this: 

The Garage Project beer match is Cereal Milk Stout. I decided against that and went for a DVB Double Denim IPA instead.

And how does it taste? The doughnut and the chocolate bacon whip make the experience quite sweet, but the burger with the coffee rub counters that. The coffee flavour was definitely in there without being overpowering, and is a combination that works well. I personally wouldn’t have made it quite so sweet – maybe a brioche bun instead of a doughnut? Being a doughnut it was quite squishy, so cutlery was again required. The chips were plentiful, chunky, and tasty. The combinations worked, it was a tasty burger, and I scored it 8/10.

As Burger Wellington is now over, the judging begins. My favourite was Brioche ‘n’ Gravy from Pickle & Pie. None of the ones we tasted made it onto the shortlist for the overall competition. The winner will be announced next week so there may be a further opportunity for a burger before the event closes for 2023.

 

 

 

Wicked

After our burgers at Eva Pub, we went along to St James Theatre to see Wicked. This musical has been around for 20 years, and has finally come to Wellington! It’s a lavish production, so we went along to see it. 

Before staring we headed along to Eva Pub for a burger, then made our way to the theatre. This is a sell-out season, and by the time I got around to looking for tickets the only ones still available were up in the nosebleed seats. Fortunately we were in the front row of a section so had leg room in front of us. Even so, the seats at SJT aren’t the most comfortable, and the first half of the show went on for 1½ hours before a break, by which time my bum was thoroughly numbed!

The show is the back story of the witches of Oz, and focuses on Elphaba, the green, so-called “wicked” witch. Along the way it fills in the backstory of all the things in The Wizard of Oz that never get explained, i.e. where the tin man, lion and scarecrow came from, flying monkeys, the wizard himself. I haven’t actually watched TWOO for a few decades, so I’m a bit rusty on the details, but it always seemed a bit vapid. This story packs far more of an emotional punch as the actual characters and their motivations are filled in.

It doesn’t quite end up “happily ever after”, but all the loose ends get tied up, and you end up knowing much more about TWOO than the original film ever gave you.

Barbacoa Madness

We were on our way to see Wicked, and decided that we’d try a burger at Eva Pub, on Eva Street, as it is reasonably close to St James Theatre. I haven’t been to Eva for quite a while, but it hasn’t really changed – it’s a bustling city centre pub.

Their Burger Wellington offering is called Barbacoa Madness, and is described on the WOAP website: Beef patty, with marinated slow-cooked beef brisket, shredded lettuce, grilled pickled onion, red salsa, cheddar cheese, and secret mayonnaise in an Arobake milk brioche bun, with Salsero white and blue corn chips with birria broth and guacamole.

It looks like this: 

The Garage Project beer match is Dirty Water: Cherry Peach. This is a seltzer, which I’m not a fan of, so I went for a Panhead Supercharger instead.

There’s a lot going on here: firstly, this is a stacked burger, so I went in straight away with cutlery. The burger was juicy, and on top the brisket was tender and not chewy. I’ve had bad experiences with brisket before, as it can be chewy if not slow-cooked for a good few hours, but this was really good. Also, in previously years there was a sudden craze for smoked brisket, most of which tended to be oversmoked and therefore totally overpowered the whole burger…not the case here, there’s no smoking. The other ingredients were also present. Onto the accompaniments: the corn chips were good, although I could’ve used a more generous helping of guacamole – I know, I know, the cozzie livs and all that. Overall, this was a good burger, and one of the best I’ve had this year. I scored it a 9/10.

 

Brioche ‘n’ Gravy

I was at a volunteer event at Zealandia in the morning, so instead of coming straight home I decided to stop off in town for another burger. My selected venue was Pickle & Pie, Wellington’s premier purveyor of pies, and indeed, pickles. We’ve been there occasionally in the past. Unfortunately, I hadn't booked, so I turned up on the chance that they would be able to accommodate me. The place was pretty full, but the maître d' told me that they’d have something available within 10 minutes, so I waited. And, as usual, this was expectation management by them, as it was actually only a couple of minutes before I was seated.

The Brioche ‘n’ Gravy Is described on the Burger Wellington website like this: Double smash patties with gravy-dipped brioche, ballpark mustard aioli, cheese and pickles in a Dough Bakery brioche bun, with crinkle cut fries. It looks like this:

 

The Garage Project beer match was – surprise! – The Devil’s Lettuce, and – double surprise! – that’s what I ordered.

OK, this is a proper burger, no messing. The patties were definitely smashed, as evidenced by the irregular shape. The bun was a double-decker style, with the middle bit between the two patties soaked in gravy. This, along with the aioli and lettuce, made it a slippery customer indeed, and an initial investigation into its pick-up-ability revealed that this was going to be a knife and fork job. The crinkle-cut fries were crispy, but were clearly catering-pack style. But that’s a minor cavil, as the rest of the burger delivered in spades: nothing fancy, none of those unwanted additions that some places have included (which actually detract from the burger experience), just good, honest, burgeration. I scored it 9/10. Home-made fries, or an accompaniment with just a little more effort, would have lifted it to perfection.

 

Public Service Announcements

Every three years, New Zealand holds a general election (I know!), and every three years, to mark this, Circa Theatre puts on a show called Public Service Announcements, in which they generally poke fun at the whole party politics and electioneering process. As part of Nicola’s ushering duties, we went along on a Thursday night to see what it was all about. 

The show has a plot, sort of, revolving around Chloe Swarbrick’s defection to Te Pāti Māori. Mostly it’s about the jolly japes of party politics, with a few contemporary references thrown in. Without knowing the minutiae of New Zealand politics, it’s difficult to explain why James Shaw is being presented as the sensible one of the Green Party, or why waka-jumping* is such a heinous crime (in the eyes of some). Ginger Chris (or Chris With Hair), zooming about the stage on a skateboard, is portrayed as being mates with Bald Chris; and there is Judith CollinsGPT as an AI bot. Jacinda Ardern and Winston Peters also get walk-on parts.

It's a bit hit-and-miss, with lines being thrown out left, right, and centre in the hope that some of them stick, rather than being funny all the way through. There’s the traditional digs at the in-fighting of the Green Party, Te Pāti Māori, and the minor minor parties. In the end, it’s all a laugh, if only in parts. Don’t take it too seriously.

 

 

* Known as “crossing the floor” elsewhere, i.e. joining a different political party.

The Dave

We were looking for a burger in the local area, and decided that Café Polo was a likely candidate. Their standard burgers are good anyway, so their Burger Wellington offering must be worth a try?

It’s called The Dave. I don’t know who Dave is*. It’s described thus on the website: Harrington's pork, beef and sage sausage meatloaf patty, with a crispy Zany Zeus ricotta and potato fritter, caramelised onion, and green pea salsa, in a housemade milk bun with chunky chips and beef gravy. It looks like this:

The Garage Project beer match was again The Devil’s Lettuce, which is a tasty drop. It still hasn't made it onto GP's website so whether it will be continued after Burger Wellington remains to be seen.

Basically, what we have here is a sausage burger, and a tasty one. Caramelised onion – tick. Green pea salsa was more like mushy peas. Just as an aside here, New Zealanders can’t do mushy peas; they use garden peas instead of marrowfat, which doesn’t work, the texture’s all wrong. The chunky chips were good, and the gravy, served on the side, was delicious – chips and gravy is a rare delicacy! You can tell there’s a “but” coming, though, can’t you? Yes, indeed: it’s the ricotta and potato fritter. It may have been crispy at some stage in its life, but it wasn’t by the time it reached the table. So what you had was a layer of mashed potato on top of the patty. Ricotta isn’t a strongly-flavoured cheese, and diluted with mashed potato it was barely discernible. All this did was add an unnecessary layer of carbs, which unbalanced the whole burger. Overall, I scored this a 7/10.

* The vegetarian option is called The Chas. Mystery solved! 

Rossini

We had an appointment in town, so decided to combine this with a trip to Capitol, who are now open at lunchtime in Thursday and Fridays. Still not at the weekend, which is a pity, as their brunch offerings used to be delicious.

What they are offering, however, is a burger, called Rossini. It’s described on the Burger Wellington site thus: Grilled Wagyu patty with duck liver pâté, truffled crispy-fried leeks and Madeira demi-glace in a Pandoro ciabatta bun, with hand ripped and thrice-cooked agrias. It looks like this:

 It should look like this: 

Quite a difference, no?

The pâté had completely melted. The leeks (in which no truffle was discernible) were under, rather than over the patty. Looking like this, there was no way that this could be eaten with the hands, so it was straight in with knife and fork. Here, another feature of the burger manifested itself: lack of integrity. This is something I usually complain about with the bun, but in this case, it was with the patty itself. It was of a loose consistency, and basically meant that what I was left with was minced beef on toast. Very nice minced beef, but nonetheless, it was a sub-optimal burger experience. The thrice-cooked potatoes were nice and crisp, and lived up to their billing. And at $46, this is above the normal price range for Burger Wellington, so I felt doubly let down by Capitol. The rating I’m giving it is a disappointing 4/10.

 

Deer In Dough

Tuesday night is quiz night at The Old Bailey, and we usually dine there when quizzing. As they’re also participating in Burger Wellington, this is a good opportunity to try their offering, Deer In Dough.

It described on the WOAP site as: Venison patty seared in duck fat, with crunchy red cabbage and fennel slaw, and plum and cherry chutney on a Brezelmania charcoal milk bun, with crispy skin fries and aioli.

And it looks like this: 

The Garage Project beer match is Good Shout, but they don’t appear to be promoting that at all. Anyway, I had my usual Black Dog Chomp.

What can I say about it? Venison is a tricky meat as it can be a bit dry, due to its leanness. The black burger is, well, a gimmick really. I found the whole thing fitted the name a little too well – it felt quite bready and doughy to me. I was able to pick this one up and the bun maintained integrity until the end, despite the slaw and chutney filling. The fries were their usual, no sign of crispy skins on them. Overall, this felt a bit like they’d phoned it in. I scored it 5/10.

 

Tainted Love

We went to Te Papa for a talk about shore birds, and particularly bar-tailed godwits, and their migration to North Korea, on Monday. Sounds like an odd subject, but there are compelling reasons why the tiny New Zealand Pūkorokoro Shorebird Centre should be influencing North Korea’s government policy.

Afterwards, we went for lunch at nearby Fork & Brewer – the venue I’d been trying to get to last Friday. On a Monday, and past the normal office lunch hour, it was almost deserted…but, importantly, still open, and serving food. We settled in for their Burger Wellington offering, The Tainted Love.

It’s described on the WOAP site like this: Randwick Meats Wagyu and pork patty, with a Fork & Brewer Tainted Love juniper and passionfruit sour glaze, cabbage and daikon slaw, Kewpie mayonnaise, shichimi togarashi and tamarind infused tomato sauce, in a La Linda sesame milk bun, with crispy onion rings.

It looks like this: 

And how was it? Tasty! The patty was OK, despite being well-done. There is a conundrum here: if you include pork mince in your patty you need to cook it well, but the pork and the wagyu ensure that the burger doesn’t dry out and become chewy. Also, the coleslaw makes for a slippy-slideyness to the burger as whole, so I didn’t even attempt to pick this one up, it was straight in with the knife and fork. I couldn’t really notice the additional flavours of the ketchup, they’re lost in the overall mix.

The Garage Project beer match is again The Devil’s Lettuce, and this time, I tried it. The devil’s lettuce is a slang term for marijuana, and, sure enough, the ingredients listed contain terpenes, which are the type of compounds found in Mary Jane that give it it’s effects. It doesn’t specifically say it’s made with cannabis, because (I guess) laws and shit. Anyway, it was a pleasant enough IPA.

This was better than the souvlaki burger, and I quite liked this one, so I’m scoring it 8/10.

 

Ailments

It seems like an age since we last saw Hayley Sproull live on stage. A quick glance back through my blog reveals that it was 2018! Since that time, Hayley has been, well, busy! She’s starred in Golden Boy, Educators and Funny Girls, hosts her own show HYBPANZ, co-hosts New Zealand Bake-Off and ZM Radio’s breakfast show, is a regular on shows such as Seven Days, Patriot Brains and HYBPAA, and is generally everywhere. No wonder she doesn’t have time for standup!

 But she’s managed to make a hole in her schedule to return to her home town, Wellington, and perform her new show, Ailments. This is a musical show about, unsurprisingly, her ailments. And there are a lot of them! After doing a quick lap of the auditorium to say hello to everyone, she starts with a song (with a very long intro – so she can get her breath back) which basically lists all the things that are, or have ever been, wrong with her. This is a rich source of comedy as she shares, and overshares, her number of kidneys (below the accepted average), the shape of her uterus, and the effects that her recent diagnosis of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) has had upon her body, including weight gain which has led to her having proper boobies at last! Yay! But also bingo wings (boo!); hair growing everywhere, except upon her head, where it falls out instead. She throws light on the treatments for hair growth and how there’s always “extras” added to the bill…like you’re going to leave your toes hairy after doing your legs. Yup, that costs more. She interspersed her musings with a handful of songs, and left us wanting more. It’s an our-long show but feels like it’s longer. Definitely worth the wait, don’t leave it so long next time!

 

I Should Be Souvlaki

And they’re off! Yes, the Burger Wellington part of Wellington On A Plate kicked off on Friday. Due to the increasing popularity of this section of WOAP, it has now been completely separated from the rest, as there was just too much competition for the WOAP dollar and restaurants were finding that their non-burger offerings were being spurned in favour of meat-filled (or otherwise) buns.

We attempted to join in the fun on the opening night, but due to a cock-up on my part I’d reserved a table for the wrong night, so tonight’s was the first of this year’s offerings. We were heading out to see Hayley Sproull, and decided to stop in at Little Beer Quarter, a bar which specialises in (you’ll never guess!) beer! They also do wine as well, so Nicola was able to have a glass of rosé .

LBQ’s offering is called I Should Be Souvlaki (see what they did there?) and is described as follows: Ground Preston's lamb patty, with whipped Zany Zeus feta, rocket, pickled zucchini, and herbed tzatziki mayo, topped with beer-battered fries in a housemade soft sesame lagana bun, served with zucchini fries. I failed to stop and take a picture of it, so here’s the stock picture from the WOAP site:

 

The Garage Project beer match was The Devil’s Lettuce, but I’d already ordered something else by then so I didn’t try it.

How was it? Well, the lamb patty was tasty and cooked pink, and fitted the bun size well. I found it a little dry, and despite the addition of tzatziki mayo, the whole thing was a bit dry. It was also carb-heavy, with the chips included inside the burger…I’d have left them out, myself. The zucchini fries were good though. The bun maintained integrity throughout, always an important feature. Overall, pretty good, and I scored this burger a 7/10.

 

The Simon & Garfunkel Story

We went to see a show called The Simon & Garfunkel Story. This is the story of Simon & Garfunkel, the world’s most successful folk-rock duo. Yes, they had to be that specific to be the worlds-best something, and that’s what it turns out to be. Who’s the second-best? Is there a trio who were more successful? Who cares?

We had planned to start our Burger Wellington journey on this night, but it turns out someone had booked a table at Fork & Brewer, our chosen venue, for the wrong week. We turned up there and it was absolutely jampacked, so no chance of getting a table without a booking. It being a Friday night in Wellington, Cin Cin and Concord were both similarly full. Highwater, however, could fit us in if we didn’t mind sitting at the bar, so we did that instead.

Then we crossed the road to the Michael Fowler Centre for the night’s entertainment. This consisted of two Simon & Garfunkel lookalikes and soundalikes playing the songs, more or less in chronological order, from the earliest Tom & Jerry (the name they originally recorded under) and other early material; the big songs from The Graduate, Bookends and Bridge Over Troubled Water. In between, they narrated the story of the band, where they were, who they were with, what they were doing etc. Unlike, say, Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons, whose story was dramatized as Jersey Boys, Simon & Garfunkel just aren’t that interesting. There was nothing really to dramatize, so they just…narrated. Once they’d split, they followed some solo careers, but didn’t play any music from that; then they reformed to play a gig in Central Park, and then went on a world tour. The show finished up with the Everly Brothers’ Bye Bye Love, their traditional gig ender.

…but wait! They’ve not played The Boxer or Bridge Over Troubled Water! Guess what? They came on and played an encore of those two songs. That was really the end of the show.

Dirty Work

Indian Ink, aka Jacob Rajan and Justin Lewis, are back with a new show. We’ve seen them a few times before, with The Pickle King, Mrs Krishnan’s Party and Paradise, or The Impermanence Of Ice Cream. We picked a matinee show on Sunday afternoon at Te Papa’s Soundings Theatre, to go and see the new show, Dirty Work – An Ode To Joy.

 

The show is set in an office, and the main characters are Joy, the office cleaner; Neil, the office manager; and Zara, his assistant. The office workers are members of a local choir, and a different choir is used for each performance. The choir haven’t read the script, so have no idea what’s going to be happening. They’ve just been asked to learn some songs, and the cues for when to sing them. Sounds fun!

It’s a big day in the office, and as cleaner Joy is doing her rounds, she’s interrupted by the staff arriving very early to complete the papers for a board meeting later that day. Unfortunately, they quickly discover that their computers aren’t just down…they’re out! Yes, all the PCs have been removed, supposedly for an upgrade. They’ll have to calculate all the accounts by hand. The big boss of the company, based in India, Zooms them to find out where the papers are; Neil, the office manager, says he doesn’t have the authority to do the work, so he is immediately promoted to CFO. Problem solved!

The drama and music continue as problems arise, and are resolved. There’s also a birthday party woven into the plot, which of course give rise to more singing and dancing. There’s social commentary and critique of how economics and work traps people in different roles.

A trademark of Indian Ink’s work is that at least one character will be wearing a prosthetic of some kind. In this case, it’s Joy, and she has a massive set of false teeth to contend with…although she seems to manage, and talk and sing her way past them without any problems.

It’s another jolly romp from Indian Ink, a contrast to the serious plot of Paradise. But, as ever, thought-provoking. The New Zealand tour is just winding up, but their work is being increasingly seen overseas as they tour festivals in Australia, the US and Europe. If they come anywhere near you, take the chance to go and see them!

 

NZIFF

The New Zealand International Film Festival has been in town, and we’ve been to see some international films. This is an opportunity to see some films that may not get a general release, particularly foreign-language films released outside their home country. 

We made our selections from the brochure and went along to see:

Asteroid City: the latest from director Wes Anderson, with an ensemble cast including Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson and Margot Robbie; set in the eponymous desert town, it’s a play-within-a-play scenario that revolves around a youth astronomy awards ceremony. It’s suitably weird.

Paris Memories: a French film, where the protagonist is a survivor of a terrorist attack in a central Parisian brasserie. At first she has no memory of what happened, but with the help of a survivors’ group, starts to piece together what happened to her. Very well put together and moving.

Only The River Flows: a Chinese detective film noir, following the investigation into the death of a woman in a rural Chinese town. It started out reasonably well, but got a bit confused. The overall plot was weird, as there was no actual detective work involved – they just all pointed their fingers at the local madman. Why was he mad? Don’t know. Why did he kill? Don’t know. Ultimately confusing and a bit pointless.

River: a Japanese film set in a rural hot springs hotel, where the staff and guest get caught in a two-minute time loop. Their attempts to, firstly, understand what is happening to them, and secondly, find a way out, are amusing and frustrating in equal parts. They eventually figure out a way, and everyone gets to learn something about themselves and each other. Really enjoyed this one!

Mars Express: a French anime, where the protagonist is a female private eye investigating a computer hacker on Mars, and then a missing girl. The characters are human and robots, and they dig further into the underworld of Mars, including brain farms, robot prostitution, and secret code embedded in robots. Very strong visually, I wish there was an English-language version so I didn’t have to read the subtitles and miss what was going on on screen.

That’s all, folks!

 

Prima Facie

Prima Facie is a play by Suzie Miller that has made waves in 2023. Originally produced in Australia in 2019, the played was transferred to London’s West End in 2022; this production won the Olivier Award for Best Play and Best Actress, and the Broadway production won the Tony for Best Leading Actress. It’s on at Circa for a month-long, sold out run. We went along to see it.

The play deals with the thorny issue of court evidence in sexual assault cases. It is a one-hander, with Tess, the protagonist, being a barrister. She is successful, and has defended many clients against accusations of sexual assault. She is convinced that cross examination of witnesses in the courtroom is the highest form of evidence and that her skill at cross examination is the best way to reveal the truth.

Yeah, you can guess what’s coming, can’t you? She is sexually assaulted by a colleague, in dubious circumstances involving a lot of drink. It turns out that she and the colleague were being considered for the same, higher, position in the chambers system. The play explores not just the legal system, but the protagonist’s feelings and how the issue is dealt with by employers, the police, and the court system itself. At the end, she is less convinced about the purity of her calling, and the efficacy of the cross-examination system as a method of getting to the truth, as she faces the kind of court experience that she usually hands out to others.

Kinky Boots

I’ve been a bit wayward in keeping up with my blog. This post refers to an event that happened on 9^th July. No reason, just procrastination.

Another week, another musical. Kinky Boots has been around for a while, a musical based on a film based on a sort-of true story. The musical features songs by Cyndi Lauper. I thought this meant that I’d recognise some of the tunes, in the style of Mamma Mia! or We Will Rock You, but it turns out that it’s all original songs written for the production.

It's entering its final week now in Wellington, and Nicola was busy all the week before with string quartet week, so we went to a Sunday matinee performance instead. The show was on at the St James Theatre, which has recently been renovated, largely for earthquake strengthening. As I may have mentioned before, this didn’t stretch to replacing the seats, and they’re not the most comfortable.

The story is that of a shoe manufacturer based in Northampton. The company is in dire straits, as the cost of producing shoes in the UK is being undercut by cheaper imports. The owner, who inherited it from his father, is a reluctant shoemaker, and initially just wants to hand the factory over to someone else. However, the business is on its knees and unless he does something it will close, with consequent effects on the community that relies on it for work. Following an encounter in London, he becomes friends with a drag artist, who complains that none of the boots made for drag artists like her are of good quality, and cannot take the additional weight and stress needed. And so, an idea is born…

There are all the usual tensions required amongst the factory workers, old-fashioned attitudes, a fight, and an impossible deadline to meet (spoiler alert: they meet it). In the end, everything works out, and there’s a big song-and-dance finale.

Fastlove

Fastlove is a George Michael tribute act, who have been touring New Zealand (and are now on their way to Australia) over the last few days. We thought we’d go along and see them.

It was an 8:00pm start at the Michael Fowler Centre on a Saturday night, so we took the unprecedented step of dining at home before setting out. I know! We got there in plenty of time, even managing to find a reasonable parking space despite Wellington Council’s best efforts.

The show opened with Fastlove, and then went through a number of classic songs by both George Michael as a solo artist, and a reasonable amount of Wham! as well. The singer, Andrew Browning, has got the look and clothes down pat, but his voice is, understandably, not as good as George’s. This may have influenced the song selection, as he couldn’t quite reach the high notes. There were some notable absentees from the set – no Last Christmas, Freedom, or Young Guns. But apart from that, there was a good selection of George Michael hits, including songs that he’d covered or duetted with others on – the version of I Knew You Were Waiting, for example, which originally featured Aretha Franklin, but was now performed by Laura, one of the backing singers; and Somebody To Love, which he performed at the Freddie Mercury tribute concert.