Spiced To Meat You

We went along to the newly-opened Parla in Island Bay after bridge, to try their Burger Wellington entry. Parla is owned by the same people who do Mr. Go’s, Ombra and Kisa, at least two of which are regular faves. We’d been there before shortly after it opened and were reasonably impressed (especially as it’s next door to Empire Cinema, who’s café offerings leave a bit to be desired).

Parla serve Middle Eastern flavours, similar to Kisa, so their offering, Spiced To Meat You, sounded like a good choice. The WOAP website describes it like this: Urfa-spiced lamb patty, with nasturtium hummus, sumac onion, pickled radish, Grafters Honey toum and crispy fried chickpeas in a Dough Bakery cumin and sesame seed bun. The DVB beer match is Repeat Offender, an NZ Pilsner that’s part of their classic line-up.

It looks like this:

 We both ordered the burger, and I had the beer match. I don’t know when the burgers were cooked, as although they took the requisite time to arrive on our table, they were somewhat tepid rather than hot. I picked mine up and it held its integrity through to the end, always a good sign…although it did leak large amounts of dressing along the way. Urfa spice didn’t seem to be present, I thought there might be a hint of heat (spice, not temperature) associated with it, but this turned out not to be the case. The main flavour was garlic from the toum dressing, and a slight crunch from the fried chickpeas – a few more of which wouldn’t have gone amiss, given the absence of chips or other side with this burger. A burger that promised much, but failed to deliver on that promise. I scored it a humble 6/10.

 

Love Stack

 And they’re off! Yes, Wellington On A Plate is under way again, and with it, the Burger Wellington competition.

First cab off the rank was at our usual Tuesday night venue, The Old Bailey, where we were attending Quiz Night. Their offering is called Love Stack, and it is described thus on the WOAP website: Beetroot and beef patty, with haloumi cheese, crispy onion rings, cos lettuce, tomato, cucumber pickle, pesto and beetroot relish in a Brezelmania bun, with fries. The DVB* beer match is Thirst Crunch (Peach IPA), which I eschewed in favour of my usual Panhead Supercharger.

It looks like this:

OK, things to note: the bun is in fact pink, presumably from inclusion of beetroot in the bun (not mentioned). The beef burger itself seems to be their standard beef patty – I couldn’t detect any beetroot in the patty itself. Given the height of this burger I didn’t even attempt to eat this with my hands, I went straight in with the cutlery.

How was it? Well, they’ve thrown everything but the kitchen sink into this burger. The individual components were OK (apart from the rather pointless lettuce leaf and tomato), but there was no sense of cohesion about this burger. Yes, you can put lots of things into a burger; do they work together? In this instance, I’d have to say a resounding NO. I scored this a disappointing 4/10.

p.s. It seems I said much the same about their previous year's effort. The year before that wasn't much cop either. 

* Yes, after more than 10 years sponsoring the Burger Wellington competition, Garage Project have bowed out and handed the reins over to DVB, or Double Vision Brewing, a Miramar-based brewery. I’ll try some of their products with other burgers.

Sveatherston

Sven Olsen’s Brutal Canadian Love Saga are back, and this time they’re playing Featherston! Featherston is a small town in the Wairarapa, part of the Greater Wellington conurbation. We drove over the Remutaka hills to get there on a Saturday afternoon – dropping Nicola at the venue for rehearsal whilst I went onward to book into our accommodation at the Martinborough Hotel.

In the evening I drove back to Featherston – about 18km – so that we could have an early dinner at Brac & Bow, the main restaurant in Featherston. Whilst they were pretty prompt with service for cocktails and starters, the mains took a long time to come out so we were a bit rushed at the end as Nicola had to get back to set up in the Kiwi Hall. I wandered over a little later and staked my place in the second row.

The concert was free/koha, and the hall was full. Featherston isn’t just full of knitting and retired architects (possible future song title?), and the hall was buzzing. They played some of their classics, as well as using the “N” word – New Material – to celebrate life in Wellington and New Zealand, with such songs as Kron of Hastings (“he tagged the rest home, and the Countdown, and the town hall, and the flowerpots”), Brobdignagian Nightmare (about Nelson’s clock tower), Tasered At The Chicken Joint, Another Ratshit Night In Paradise, and many more.

After a post-gig night of debauchery driving back to Martinborough, we rose the next day for a leisurely exploration of vineyards. Starting at the Library, to get a list of which ones were open in off-season (quite a few!), we planned a route, then completely failed to stick to it. Instead we started off in Tiwaiwaka Vineyard, which hasn’t actually been open to the public on the occasions we’ve visited before, but now is (I believe it used to be by appointment only). It’s a small husband-and-wife operation, and we chatted to the owner, Mort, about his wines and wine in general as we ran through a tasting of seven different wines from the rosé, dry semillon, chardonnays, merlot and late harvest semillon.

We missed the next stop and went straight to Tirohana, where we tasted wines and stopped for lunch. The restaurant here offers either two course or three-course meals, but we weren’t in the mood for that, so we broke all the rules and ordered four starters to have tapas-style instead.

In the evening we dined in-house, but weren’t actually all that hungry, so didn’t take advantage of the culinary excellence on offer. The restaurant, Union Square, is run by the same people who used to run Zibbibo in Wellington (long since closed), so we missed out a bit there. Oh well, next time…

On Monday morning we went for breakfast at the Martinborough Village Café, largely as it seemed to be the only place open…Martinborough is not exactly a hive of industry and is mostly dependent on the wine trade, which comes alive at the weekends and summertime. We stopped on the way back at C’est Cheese but unfortunately they were out of the Mount Eliza Red Leicester that I wanted, and were waiting for a new delivery in the spring. We bought a couple of other cheeses then drove back across the Remutaka hills to Wellington.

 

Snorkeling

We were up early to go snorkeling on the coral reef. This entailed an early breakfast, and we and another couple assembled at 8:00am to get on the boat.

The trip is sold as being “swimming with manta rays” but, as with all wild animal excursions, there’s no guarantee that they’ll turn up. The guide and captain were optimistic, however, and gave us a briefing about what to do if we encountered a manta – don’t make a splash or you’ll frighten them away, don’t try to chase them (you’ll never keep up), and don’t panic…they’re gentle giants and won’t eat you! Some of the rays are regular visitors and have names – we were able to see them pictured on the wall of the activities hut.

It was about half an hour’s cruise to the reef. On arrival we donned fins and masks and slipped into the water. There were several boats from other resorts as well, so we were enjoined to stick close to our guide and not get mixed up with other groups. There were only four of us so this wasn’t difficult. The reef is as good as any, and there were vast numbers of fish of all the usual reef varieties that you see swimming in aquaria, just all going about their fishy business, and not being at all bothered by us. The coral was pretty spectacular as well.

We swam for about half an hour before heading back to the boat and going a little further, to the channel where the manta rays usually feed. This is again a coral reef, and the direction of the tide pulls you along so you barely need to swim at all – the moon and ocean do the heavy lifting. There were no rays to be seen on our first pass, so we went back to the beginning and did it again. This time there were…still no rays to be seen. It was a busted flush. Ah well, you can’t win ‘em all. We’d seen many spectacular fish and corals so it was a good morning out. We arrived back at around 11:30, and sat around idling before having our lunch. No pics as we don’t have underwater photo technology.

 

Fiji

Yay! We’re off to Fiji!

We’d booked through an agent who advised us that flying Fiji Airways would be best, as they fly direct from Wellington. Fiji is one of the few destinations outside Australia that can be reached directly from here. The flight was uneventful, and we were met at the other end by representatives from Rosie’s Travel. It took four of them to pass us along to find our driver, but were soon ensconced in a transport to our hotel for the first night, the Sheraton Denarau Villas. It’s on the Denarau Island area which is basically all given over to hotels, a golf course, and not much else. This is a top-end hotel, and it appears that for many people this is their destination in Fiji, but we were only staying one night.

Views!

Sunsets!

Cocktails!

We were up at sparrow fart for breakfast in order to catch the bus to the port in the morning. We’d been advised that we needed to be in reception at 7:45am to get the bus, which duly turned up…at 8:15. It’s only a short ride to the port, where we checked in then boarded the boat to Waya Island Resort, our final destination. On reading the fine print of the ticket, however, we discovered that we could have been far more leisurely and taken the afternoon sailing instead. Ah well. 

The boat trip takes two hours, sailing out along the island chain and dropping people off at various resorts. We arrived after a few stops and two hours – the water was very smooth, which was a blessing. We were the only people disembarking at Waya, which is done by boat transfer as there isn’t a jetty and the ferry can’t come in to the shore. We were serenaded as we arrived and then escorted to the resort, which only consists of a few villas and bure (huts) at the water’s edge. There’s a restaurant and bar, pool, and activities hut, and that’s about it.

We had a drink whilst our room was readied, then checked in and explored the area. In the afternoon, we watched a demonstration of how to extract coconut water and flesh from a coconut – something we’ve seen on our travels many times before, but this time we were invited to have a go ourselves! The coconut flesh is soaked in the water and then squeezed to make coconut milk, then strained through the husk of the coconut. This was a prelude to the chef giving us a demo of how to make kokoda – the Fijian version of the universal fish dish of the South Pacific. The tuna had been marinated in lemon juice, then salted, strained and coconut milk added. Salt, pepper, chilli, garlic, red pepper, coriander, and onions are then added and after a few minutes it’s ready to eat. And very delicious it was, as we helped ourselves to seconds, and then thirds.

Extracting the coconut...

preparing the dish...

Final result!

In the evening we assembled in the bar at sunset, drinking cocktails and watching the sun go down, before a dinner of fish, followed by fish, followed by carrot cake.

Thus ended day one on Waya Island. There’s no telly so early to bed, early to rise is the rhythm of the days here, as some of the activities are tide-dependent so can start very early in the morning.

 

Alison Moyet

Alf…remember her? Formerly of Yazoo, and Eighties solo career? Well, she’s back, but this time on her own terms. She’s currently touring Australia and New Zealand, so we went along to see her. 

As usual, dinner first. It crossed my mind that we hadn’t been to St John’s Bar & Eatery in, possibly, decades! The last time I’d been there I think, was when I was still working for ANZ, so at least 8 years ago. We decided to give it a try, to see how it is these days.

And the answer is…not brilliant. It’s basically glorified pub food. My starter they couldn’t get much wrong with – raw fish – but the burger main was average. Won’t be darkening their doorstep again in a hurry, when there’s much better places to visit. Still, it’s good to know these things, and at least it’s only a short step from the Michael Fowler Centre.

The show kicked off at 8 o’clock, and Alison gave us a running commentary throughout the gig. She explained why she’d selected the songs to perform (her new album, Key, is mostly reworkings of older songs) and details of each songs’ origins, where appropriate. She was accompanied by two musicians, both with keyboards, one also with guitar and the other on bass. Also, the reason for the long hiatus in her career: problems with her record company. Which record company? Fucking Sony of course, who seem to hold the world record for most attempts to screw over their artists. Anyway, albums have been few and far between since her Eighties heyday. Most of the material was stuff I hadn’t heard before, but she interspersed it with Nobody’s Diary and Only You, from her Yazoo career, before finishing up the set with All Cried Out. She then came back for an encore of three classic bangers, which got everyone dancing in the aisles: Situation, Love Resurrection and Don’t Go (Morgan Freeman voiceover “but, they did go”). That set list in full can be found here.

It was a great night’s entertainment, and if she’s touring anywhere near you, go see her!

 

Comedy Festival

As autumn swings into winter, it’s time to look indoors for our entertainment options. To satisfy this need, the New Zealand International Comedy Festival is in its 33^rd year. International, as it includes many overseas performers, gracing us with their presence, as well as nationally-known and up-and-coming New Zealanders…and even internationally-known New Zealanders!

First cab off the rank, at least as far as we were concerned, was Nish Kumar. Unfortunately, New Zealand’s weather decided otherwise, and a storm that hit New Zealand caused the closure of the venue on the night we’d booked. The show was rescheduled to the following night, but at 10:30pm we figured it was way past our bedtime, so we took the refund instead. Bugger. I was looking forward to that one.

No matter, the following week we were booked to see Hayley Sproull, or Hayley Everything as she should be known, as she seems to be doing everything these days. We first saw her when Miss Fletcher Sang The Blues in - crikey! - 2012! But since then she’s gone from strength to strength, with many hit stand-up shows, and starring in New Zealand comedies; participating in and hosting panel shows (7 Days, Have You Been Paying Attention?), and hosting the annual Comedy Gala for the last two years. She also has a radio show. She’s a busy woman! Her show, Baroness, was the by-now-familiar mix of over-sharing and stories of the DINK lifestyle, culminating in a date with Jason Momua.

The following night we were at Circa Theatre. Whilst not technically part of the Comedy Festival, they’re currently performing the comedic Give Way: The Musical. Nicola was on ushering duties, so we went along. This also gave us the opportunity to try out ChouChou, the new brasserie attached to the theatre, which has recently had a makeover. I had the snapper salad Nicoise, and Nicola had chicken Cordon Bleu. Note to any aspiring chefs out there: snapper is not a good substitute for tuna in a Nicoise.

The musical follows the adventures of Sophie, a newly-minted graduate in Traffic Management Engineering. She is anxious to make her mark on the world, and when the opportunity to revamp New Zealand’s weird give way rules presents itself, she leaps at it. The musical is based on a true story, in that the give way rules were changed in 2012 to fit in with what the rest of the world does. There’s a love story, inevitably; as well as protests, conniving, popularity-seeking, mental health, and insights into public policy-making which seem far-fetched but are probably true. A cast of five Circa stalwarts play all the parts, of which there were many: each actor had a main character, but also had to fill in for Sophie’s parents, The Minister of Transport, and other roles as required. All jolly good fun, and with the high production values we’ve come to expect from Circa.

We had a night off, then plunged back into the fray on Saturday night, going to see The Tape Face Show. We first saw Sam Wills when he was but a boy, called The Boy With Tape On His Face. He has since shortened his name and reached an international audience after reaching the finals on America’s Got Talent. His show is performed entirely without words, as you might expect, but there’s a lot of music (it helps to be familiar with what the songs are and the films associated with them), and a lot of audience participation. We were safe from this aspect as he generally needed people to be on or near the end of their row to be able to get up on stage, and we were well-placed in the centre of ours. He also played some of the classics, including Endless Love. We did, however, participate in the finale of the show, which involved 99 Red Balloons. Go see him if you get the chance, he’s hilarious!

Our final foray was something a little different – a comedy cabaret show called Revel at the Hannah Playhouse. They’d rearranged things inside from the usual tiered seating to provide an enlarged performance area centred on the bar, and some seating on the level with more tiered seating at the back. Revel is the name of the bar, or Speakeasy, and we were encouraged to arrive early to take advantage of the bar and have a cocktail. A jazz band was playing as we entered.

The bar was cleared for the performance, which included singing, dancing, comedy, burlesque, acrobatics and circus trickery; performed by a troupe of six. There was an interval when the bar was briefly open for business again, and then cleared away very quickly to allow the performance to continue. It was all jolly good fun and certainly a bit different from your standard comedy routines.

That’s about it for this year’s fest – but there’s plenty more entertainment to come over the winter in the nation’s cultural capital!